So I am sitting here at the lot catching up on my blog reading and wondering what I shall write about next. You see usually I come to this place with a head full of ideas, but today not so much. I feel as though for the past few weeks I've been living on auto-pilot. As if I am watching my life go by instead of living in each moment. Summer has been slightly crazy and already so full I' m not quite sure how I'm going to do everything. I figure that's a problem to have.... I'd much rather have too much to do rather then too little.
Last night we kicked off our summer kids program at church. What a blessing the whole day turned out to be. I volunteered along with a few other people to help make the set for the event. It was so much fun... I think my sister's creativity is beginning to rub off on me:) It turned out really good... much better then I thought it would be. I'll have to take a picture of it and post it here so you can see it.
I am once again just amazed at the blessings that God has sent my way. I never ever thought I would fall in love with church again. Too many bridges burned there I thought. I have never completely stopped going, however the motivation was more along the lines of my obedience then out of love for the church body. A while back a professor reminded me of a truth I knew deep down but had forgotten about: it's not about what the church can do for you, it's about what you can do for the church. I wrestled for awhile with that statement, not because I thought it was false but because I wanted it to be false. Those days I am sad to say were days wrapped up in self and not in the Father.
One of the things that God has shown me since my breakup is to empty myself of me.... which I have spent much time talking about here in older posts. I will admit that one of the reasons why I chose to get involved in the children's ministry at church had some very selfish reasons but I also like to think that God was pushing me into an area of selflessness. I was looking for a way out of the Sunday school class that I was in, partly because it was a college class (which is hard to be in when you are out of college) and mostly because my ex was there every week. They just so happened to need a teacher for the 8-10 yr old class. I don't think that was just a coincidence. It was planned out in advance by my Father who knew just what I needed in order to fall back in love with the institution of the church.
I am so thankful that He did what He needed to do to get me back to this place. It amazes me just how lost I can get in my own self and the misery that goes along with that. I often wonder how we can be so settled and so peaceful in God's will yet struggle to stay there. Why do ever leave that place? What causes me to think that there is any peace or joy outside of His will? Why do I constantly fight what seems like the same battle over and over again?
On another note.... let me tell you about the beautiful blessings of late.
First off I finally mustered up enough courage to ask an old friend over for dinner. It had been too long... partly my pride... partly being too busy... partly who knows what. I am so glad that I did. We talked for hours.... till 1 am and laughed and cried and had a wonderful time renewing a friendship that thankfully was lost only for a season.
Next has to do with making new friends. Yesterday I made 2:) Both go to my church, one for along time and one just decided to call Grace home. On one hand I'm pretty proud that I had the courage to initiate conversations with both. I often am not one to seek out people but this new found confidence I have has helped me to step out of my comfort zone. One of these girls seems to be an answer to prayer. I have been asking for some more single friends for awhile.... after all I can only handle my married friends for so long. Not because there is anything wrong with them it just makes me feel as though I am missing out on something and makes finding joy in my singleness even harder.
I am not sure what God plans on doing with me this summer but I am anticipating a crazy one. One full of memories, laughs, tears, questions, hopefully some answers, and I'm sure more waiting.... lessons in sitting still.