Tears

A much needed evening of fellowship is spent curled in a big chair with a close friend. The conversation starts with mere ramblings about the week, then slowly it becomes one that nourishes the soul. Lessons from the Great Teacher are shared and encouragement is given.

A text comes in from one whom we had just talked about, and fears are confirmed that all is not well. We talk, discuss... and search for ways to encourage, to uplift, to comfort a friend in need. We know the very best thing we can do is to pray.

A few days go by.... the one hurting is still on the mind... still in the prayers. Texts go back and forth from the close friend about the hurting one... because we are family and the blood that ties us together runs deeper then that which flows in the veins.

An alert flashes on the screen the same moment a text tells me to check my messages.... so I do. The hurting one has tried to put the pain into words.... and as she pours out her heart the tears flow down.I can hear the hurt in every word. I read on and my eyes see the reason for the pain, and my heart can take no more. The tears flow down. My heart hurts for her, for the choice that has been made, and for the pain that is yet to come. My heart hurts because I, selfishly, have dreaded this moment. I knew our time of living close was soon to end but now that it is certain my heart no longer stands firm.

The tears roll, and the heart breaks. I know somewhat of the journey that is ahead for her. I have experienced the loneliness that comes living so far away from the ones you love. I know how dark those nights can be and I start to pray for strength, for hope, for peace. I also know what it is like to be the one left behind and I dread the day I will have to say my goodbye. I dread the lonely days ahead, the days without the dear friend who still pursues me.

I turn on the music and the first song to play is the one that reminds me that He is the Healer, the one that walks us through the fire. And the one that follows reminds me that the God I serve is all always for me, never against me. He never forsakes those He loves, and when I am weak He remains strong.

So I wipe away the tears, finish reading her words and finally pick up a book that just arrived. A book that reminds me that before I dive in I need to count. At first it seems so impossible but as the first one is written I feel the healing begin.

#580-588

For a grade school friendship that is stronger then ever

For the time we have had together so far

For future memories that will be made

For a Father who is approachable

For friends that lift up hurting ones to the only One who brings Healing

For modern technology which makes the distance seem not so wide

For the growth that this next season of life will bring

For the knowledge that with the hurt comes healing

For tears

And for a Father who counts everyone

No words today

Today I come with nothing to say.

For once the words are not there.... as I search my thoughts for something, anything to write about nothing comes.

My walk with Him is quiet today. No soft words spoken from His mouth.

Maybe I'm not listening.... maybe I'm being to loud to hear His words.

Or maybe... just maybe today He is quiet.

There are hours... days... sometimes weeks that go by without that closeness, with that feeling that I am alone and that He is far away.

But I know that those feelings are deceiving.

He NEVER goes... He is NEVER far away.

He is here. He is close by. He is right here next to me... inside of me.

Never leaving, never changing, always listening, always here... always loving.

A good talk with close friends leads to conversations about finding Him.... about how we hear His voice.

And I remember reading this post from a favorite place and reading her words cause me to pause and really think.

"Maybe it's this: God hides with the poor and in the pain and we can only witness Him at His most beautifully creative work in the places needing redemption. Maybe we are only at our most beautiful work in the same places too --- the places where we don't hide behind the distractions of stuff, where we finally empty our hands of all our possessions and idols and come to God empty and ready. The places where we can make art with tears."

Maybe the reason why all is so quiet is because there are things in hiding... hidden even from myself. Maybe I don't want to find those things. Maybe I'm content being full of my possessions and idols. Maybe my heart is harder then I think it is.

This I know for sure: God does His very best work in me when I am completely empty of myself.

So I will not be content with silence today. Instead I will search... and pray for that emptiness. For the hidden to be made known. For all barriers that stand between me and His voice to be torn down.