Don't forget

I read a book and write a post about needing to remember His gifts, to remember that He is in control, and to remember that I must come to Him empty. I wrestle with the issue of emptiness because the pouring out is painful. As my flesh pours out I realize how incapable I am, and that my life is not for me to direct. And for a strong-willed, independent, fighter like me,  that reality does not sit well. But this outpouring of flesh must continue.... He will not be satisfied with a half-empty person.

I was directed to this blog, and the quote in the first paragraph was one that I can't help but share.

"There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: Mine!"

-Abraham Kuyper

He is not satisfied with a little... we cannot just say the yes, we must learn to live it. And the word live is not a past action... because it is not good enough that we lived the yes last week. No, we must LIVE the yes. That means day after day we must die to self, pour out the flesh and allow Him to fill every inch of our being. It takes practice and practice isn't easy, but it's the practice that makes the life change.

Later that day my eyes take in another quote on a friends facebook that catches my attention.

 "Over and over again, in order to move forward in his relationship with God, Abraham was called to make a fresh surrender to God. To do so required that he let go, relinquish control, and trust a God he could not see."

Nancy DeMoss

Even Abraham had to practice. But our practice is not in vain. We do not rest in our faith, because we are mere humans who fail over and over again. It is in His faithfulness that we rest. It is the faith of Almighty to which we cling and it will never fail us.

My guess is... after two quotes on the same subject that He is making sure that I don't forget:-)

Thirsty?

In my reader this morning I visited Sweet Water Blue Sky and her post for today was a quote from C.S. Lewis' book The Silver Chair. I have not read this book yet, nor have I read The Last Battle, the only two I have yet to read. I loved it so much I thought I should share it here and over the next week I will share a few of my other favorite quotes from the books I have read.

“Are you not thirsty?” said the Lion.

“I'm dying of thirst,” said Jill.

“Then drink,” said the Lion.

“May I - could I - would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill.

The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience. The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.

“Will you promise not to - do anything to me, if I do come?” said Jill.

“I make no promise,” said the Lion.

Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.

“Do you eat girls?” she said.

“I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,” said the Lion. It didn't say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

"I daren't come and drink," said Jill.

"Then you will die of thirst," said the Lion.

"Oh dear!" said Jill, coming another step nearer. "I suppose I must go and look for another stream then."

"There is no other stream," said the Lion.


Isn't that an amazing picture?? Let us never forget that there is only One who can truly satisfy our thirst.


Oh and by the way one of the Passion sermons I listened to focused on this subject, can't wait to sit and write about it!!!

Just do the next right thing

I've been reading this blog for almost a year now... at first I thought the idea of counting blessings was a sweet one. I read a few other blogs that joined in the counting and enjoyed reading their lists. Then just before summer arrived I joined in the journey to a thousand gifts. Little did I know just how much of an impact that small, yet ever growing list would have on my life.

The impact of this list slowly crept in, at first unnoticed. Then I forgot about it... got to busy to take the time to count. I'm sure you know how that is.

But here recently the Almighty keeps whispering in my ear about it. He doesn't nag me about it, it's more like a constant tapping on the shoulder. An encouraging tapping, because He knows the importance of this lesson and apparently wants me to grasp its importance.

I think, maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to understand the importance.

You see a few weeks ago the counting became something pushed to the back burner. One of those I'll-do-it-tomorrow things. And then I wrote this post and realized that I desperately needed to get back in the habit.


But I kept forgetting. Or maybe a part of me didn't want to?


I'm learning that when we live in a constant state of gratitude their is no room for selfishness. And I am a selfish person. One thing that counting my blessings has done is show me just how selfish I really am. It has brought out the child in me. I realize that when things don't the way I want them to I tend to shut Him out.


Because the way my life goes primarily depends on the plans He has for me. 

I forget that the one who allows the Lord to direct his steps is one who will be richly blessed.

I forget that His ways are better then mine.

I forget....

Then I realized that my enemy has been successfully diverting me from this task because he is fully aware of just how dangerous giving thanks can be.

And that just makes me mad. When I start to look at life through His eyes I begin to see my flesh for what it really is.

It breaks my heart... because once again I have strayed from His arms.

But I do only what I can do... and that is to do the next right thing. Which is to count....

# 530-540

Thanksgiving.... because we must learn to give thanks.

Family.... because they are who I have for the rest of my life

Friends.... because without them I think I would be lost

The holiday season.... because it reminds of the 2 most important things: gratitude and the birth of our Savior

Christmas... because of all the decorating
                   and all the glitter
                   and its the season giving
                   and baking
                   and Christmas music
                   and because without the birth of my Savior I would           
                   be forever lost


           

The power of prayer

I was reading a post from Mrs K. on the topic of prayer. Interesting, as this topic has been a popular one among my friends and family as of late. I have a few pet peeves when it comes to prayer and what makes it worse is that I myself do the very things that I find so annoying.

The first one I'll address is that we tend to hit our knees when life gets rough. When the storms roll in that is when people tend to pick up their prayer life. Now just to clarify before you get mad at me, I believe that prayer is the BEST thing for weathering a storm. There is no greater thing you can for a person then to pray for them. The problem is, and hear me on this.... I am not innocent here, I am just as guilty as the next person. The problem is that for a lot of us, this period of storms is the only time we have a consistent prayer life. I imagine that the Creator of the Universe does not like to be called upon just as a problem solver. You don't, I don't, so why do we think He would??? You... and I forget that God isn't just sitting up there waiting to fix things. He wants relationships. He is your, my Father and from my experience dad's don't like to be called upon only when I'm in need of something. Of course He will always be there, He never leaves and loves that we turn to Him in our times of need. It is good to realize that He can fix things, that He is one who gives peace, comfort, and love when we need it the most. 

The next one is related and lately it's the one I find myself doing a whole lot... isn't it frustrating to struggle with something that just annoys the mess out of you!?! How much time do you spend in prayer asking God for something... or using the word I maybe followed by the word want?? You probably don't notice it... I urge you pay attention for the next week. Although you might get really annoyed at yourself because you do it more then you think. I have been trying for at least the last 6 months to really work on my prayer habits. It's been rather difficult to do. I find that I have spells where I do really well and then I go a while with barely spending anytime in prayer. My suspicion is that the enemy works really hard to distract me from this because prayer is a dangerous tool and if I develop good prayer habits the enemy has to work twice as hard. Which should be great motivation for me to get it right...lol. I tend to use the time I spend in the car driving to and from work to prayer. Lately I realize that I spend an awful lot of that time praying for myself... which isn't all bad. However, I think that there has to be a balance... and maybe, just maybe..... my prayers for others should outweigh the prayers for myself.

My fear is that we are a generation and are raising generations that underestimate the power of prayer. Sure prayer is still (at least I hope it is) something we do out of habit before meals, with kids before bed, and in our church services. Those habits aren't the problem... problems arise when this is all we do. It stays just a habit and often we get complacent. Again I think that the enemy tries really hard to convince us that the little bit of prayer that we do is plenty. He wants us to think that prayer is just another thing to put on a checklist. 


Prayer is far more important then we realize it is. I am fortunate to go to a church that is slowly learning that and it is amazing to watch. I have learned a lot about how to pray from our pastors as our whole church body seeks to grow in this area. I am very blessed to go to a church that believes in prayer and is seeking to understand it more.

I think that we tend to underestimate this power. When storms come, sure we pray for God's help, guidance, peace, but then we go about seeking to find the solution, often forgetting to listen for and answer to our prayer. Scripture says that if we seek Him, we will find Him. If we ask for guidance it will come, but not always when we think it should. Far too often we ask... then fail to wait for an answer. A lot of times the answer comes later because God wants to us to realize that sometimes we have to wait for an answer. I think we, especially us Americans, fail to hear answers to prayer because we are far too impatient. We live in an on-demand culture, everything we need and want is right at our fingertips and we rarely have to wait for anything. God never has, doesn't, and never will comply with our on-demand way of life. God does not revolve around man. Man revolves around Him and it is this concept that we humans fail to understand. Prayer isn't simply a way to communicate to God what it is that we need or want. Prayer is about communication... its a way for us to connect with Him. It's a way for us to build our relationship with Him, a way to grow closer to Him so that we might know how serve Him better... not the other way around.


Well how about that for a soapbox? That wasn't my intention but oh well, guess I needed to get that off my chest.

 Anyways... back to post I read...lol. There was a quote in the post that I really like and need to ponder on for a bit.

“If we trust in the sovereignty of God, we wrestle our way to peace in the knowledge that if an answer to prayer is for our highest good, the God who loves us will not withhold it.”

– Lana Bateman

 I'm not sure I like how its worded for our better good though. If the word "good" there is referring to us become more like Christ then I agree. The very best thing for myself is to be empty of self and full of Christ. (Are you following me?? Cuz if I ever get to theological for you tell me. Really... we Seminary students forget that not everyone reads theology books for pleasure) So if an answer to prayer is what will ultimately bring me closer to Christ then yes, I believe that God will not withhold if from us. The thing that we don't realize is that God is in the business of holiness... not happiness. (Remember that His def of happiness and ours are usually pretty different) What I perceive that Bateman is trying to tell us here is that sometimes God answers prayers in a way that makes us upset, hurt, sad, even angry. We have to trust that our God, who is without a shadow of a doubt sovereign, has the very best in mind for us. That He knows that the way things are going will ultimately lead us closer to Him. I like that she uses the word wrestle to peace here. Our Father doesn't think that it will easy to accept when He answers in ways like this. He understands that we are not sovereign and allows us room to wrestle our way to find peace in His decision. We must trust in His love.

God has really been testing my prayer life lately... many friends and family going through some really big storms lately. If you get a chance say a prayer for my sister, and for a wife/mother of three who is dying of cancer (good news is that last Sat she gave her life to Christ..PTL!!! We have been praying for this for months.... God answers prayer!!!). Thank you so much for the prayers that have already been lifted up. You guys are a blessing from above.

Choosing Joy

Read this today:

And it got me thinking(:

When Jesus told the disciples in John 21 to throw their nets on the other side, what did they think? Scripture doesn't tell us... all we get is that they did. No questions asked, and they didn't even know it was the Lord. Maybe John left their questioning out. Or maybe they were so frustrated with their empty nets they welcomed any help they could get. I'm pretty sure the seminary student in me could write a series of sermons on this short passage but I think I'll stick to just a few things

Am I willing to throw my nets on the other side, or do I stay in my comfort zone? When I hear His voice am I willing to listen?

Even if it sounds crazy?

I am better at this then I used to be. But sometimes I don't move. I just sit there and shake my head.

Because what He says sounds crazy... it doesn't fit into my plans... and it's just not what I want to do.

Sigh.... sometimes I'm so selfish and it just makes me mad.

Why can't I just get it that He knows better then I? He isn't going to change. He is always going to insist that we do things His way. I will never know better.

Why can't my pride just die!

My life would be much easier if I would just haul up the nets and cast them out on the other side, without asking questions, and doing so joyfully.

And now I find myself in a spot that stinks.... really, really stinks. Here's where I'm at, I have hauled in the nets, and I've even thrown them over the other side. The problem is that I'm mumbling and grumbling as I sit and wait.

Isn't that awful!!

But sadly... it's true.

I'm struggling to find a good attitude.

I guess at least now I'm at the point of admitting this struggle... for awhile I have been ignoring the sourness. As if ignoring it makes it look better.. or makes it go away.

Now that I've decided to stop ignoring it, I have to fix it....sigh....guess this sucky attitude is one of those weaknesses that God is turning my attention to.

Why did I my last post have to be about weaknesses??

That's the bad part about blogging... it's like being my own accountability partner...which is awful since I can't escape myself.

You think God is smiling up there right now... that maybe this is just one of the way's that He is molding me into His masterpiece.

I'm so thankful that He never gives up on me. That no matter how grumpy... ugly.... pitiful my attitude is He just keeps on molding. His hands stay wrapped around me, while I squirm, kick, and push.

I can throw a tantrum, yell at Him, even ignore Him but He will remain the same.

He's not going anywhere. 

The choice is mine... I can go along kicking and screaming... or Joyfully.

Today I pick JOY.

#95-116

Seeing the big and beautiful Ben for the first time

Watching his proud daddy who couldn't stop smiling

Watching my best friend stare at her beautiful baby boy with a love that I don't yet understand

The strange realization that I really am an adult... after all my best friend just had a BABY!!

Knowing that I am never... NEVER alone.... He is always with me

Resting in the knowledge that He has great plans for my life

The fantastic conversations with the 3 yr old nephew on the way to the airport to see uncle Kyle

Hugging my brother for the first time in 2 months

The enormous amount of pride that I have for that baby brother

Seeing my brother surrounded by children that have missed him for so long

Soaking up cuddles from baby Lexi

Soaking up cuddles with baby Ben

Laughs on the couch late at night with the best friends anyone could ever ask for

The Little Mermaid(:

iphones

Tomatoes growing on the vines

The great pleasure I get from weeding my flower beds

Uplifting comments on my blog

New songs on the radio that lift me up when I need it the most

Time spent praying with my closest friends

Good fellowship around a table

Yummy, homemade cinnamon rolls

Time found to sit and write about the gifts in my life