Thursday, January 12, 2012


Sometimes I read His words and nothing hits the soul.... other times it leaves me gasping for air.

ever been there.....
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of Your hands.
Psalm 138:8

Sure that first part is clearly what I needed tonight after a tearful drive home, yet its the last part that once again causes the tears to fall.... that a man such as David could have ever felt abandoned. And why would one feel the need to remind the Almighty not to abandon him right after declaring His faithfulness and His love??

Could it be that I'm not alone in this wondering if perhaps, I  have been forgotten?

Maybe it's slightly normal to feel alone in this world.

It's the way he ends the psalm... no continuation of the faithful works of the One who's love knows no end.

Did he cry out in a loud voice "The Lord WILL fulfill His purpose for me!" and then quietly whisper, "do not abandon the works of Your hands."

I know I do. Because as much as I want to believe in the power of His promise there is that hint of doubt that often grips the heart. As if He needs to be reminded of that which He created.

It's quite silly to sit and think about yet I imagine each and everyone of us has felt just like that man, who happened to be a king and a heart that desperately sought after the Lord.

Maybe its the stress of the new job, maybe its the realization of loss of friendships as I once new them, or maybe its just the way He is preparing for what is ahead..... whatever it is I find myself praying this very verse. I know His plans, I know they are great, I know You are faithful and loving and true... but please don't abandon me. Don't leave me here in this vast wasteland that seems to have no end.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year=New Beginnings.... right???

Well another year has passed and a new one begins. 2011 is officially over and as I look in the review mirror I see some pretty cool things and then some not-so-cool things. One of those not-so-cool things is the amount of time, or lack of time, I have spent here. In 2010 I dove into this whole blogging thing and fell in love, then somewhere in the beginning of 2011 I failed miserably at finding time to sit and write. Part of it could be that I lost my job and then got bombarded with many part-time jobs and then landed an actual real-has-a-salary-five-days-a-week job that has radically changed my life.

If you would of told me at the beginning of 2011 that I would be where I am right now I'm pretty sure I would have laughed at you. Here I am about to turn 26, a seminary grad, one who never really desired a career, and I now work in accounting/taxes and love it. I never would of chosen this path for myself, never saw it coming, and I am quite amused at just how much I really enjoy it.

It's still not easy. I still have days when I wish life could of gone the way I always dreamed it would have. I still long to be a wife, and a mom. Loneliness is still one of my deepest and hardest struggles and I still struggle to trust Him. In fact some days I feel as though I push myself into my job so that I can ignore all those yucky feelings.

Some of the struggles are just growing pains, as I sit here and write this post my heart longs to be sitting in the Georgia dome with tend of thousands of other young people signing praises and lifting my hands to glorify Him... but I can't. My job requires me to be here this time of the year. I have responsibilities that tie me down and in able me to pack up and leave for a week. And Sunday as my brother left to head to Atlanta is was all I could to do to stay put, to control the wild child in me that loves to be free and spontaneous. It's hard to imagine Him wanting me to stay here instead of going. But the truth is.... I am right where He wants me. There is no place better for me to be then right here where I am called to be. But it does stink... and I once again let out a sigh and announce to the dogs (as if they care) that being an adult really sucks sometimes (actually alot of times).

But it is a new year and there are new beginnings and new adventures ahead. And while the next few months may be the most stressful months I've ever had (I hear lots of horror stories about working tax season) I will make the most of this year and pray for the strength to follow His lead, where ever that may be, and hopefully find time to write here a bit more then last year:)