Wednesday, August 19, 2015


I'm reading a book.

And this book is tearing me apart. I haven't picked it up in weeks yet it still rips and pulls and it's uncovering the ugly. And I don't like what lies beneath so I keep covering it back up and the Spirit keeps uncovering. Uncovering it in ways that leave me naked and exposed to the ugliness that the evil one loves to shame us into covering.

It's a rather silly struggle. It's a struggle with the One who already sees and He already knows what it is that I won't type. And He sees it for all the ugliness that it is yet He is still here and He was here yesterday and He will be here tomorrow and the next day and the day after that for all of eternity. You can't run Him off and you can't hide and you can't tell Him to go away.

Because deep down you don't want Him to leave..... but then again deep down you really want Him to leave.

Because He is so holy and I am so unworthy and how.... why.... why does the One so holy so desperately want to be with someone so unworthy? Why does He find me worth seeking after and why don't I desire to seek after Him? Why do I think running is safer? Why do I follow in Adams footsteps, thinking it's better to cover my nakedness then stand exposed to the very one who knitted me together and called me by name and breathed life into my lungs and sees all the scars and all the ugliness and all the shame yet calls me beloved and His treasured possession? And why would He send His only Son to save a wretch such as me? Why? Why chase after a lamb that is always running away? 

Because He is the I AM who created me and knitted me together for His glory and for His purpose. He is the One that is Holy, set apart, yet He desires to be with me a wretched human for whom He gave His only Son so that I might be saved from my wretched self and walk with Him. 

Saturday, April 25, 2015


It's easy when you walk on the shore.... when life goes as planned. When you can see the hand that holds you and the Sonset in all His glory.

It's when the storm comes in and sweeps you out into the unkown and the whole world starts to spin. And the unknown lasts for days and weeks and months and seems to have no end. It's when the dark begins to seep through your pores and drag you under and you can't find your way back up. It's the not seeing the hand, not seeing the light that is the most frightening.

But just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.
It's the storm and the dark and the unknowns that lead to surrender.
And isn't that the ultimate end.... to surrender it all?

When I am on the shore, surrender is easy and the cost is cheap.
But when the storm comes and waves are overhead, surrender is hard and costly.

But why? Why is it easier to trust when on the shore? Why is it that when the unknowns creep in that the walls go up? And that's when it is hard to let go and let the I AM be. To trust when the road ahead can't be seen or goes on without end. That's when surrender hurts.

But so did the nails.... the ultimate surrender wasn't pretty and it wasn't without pain and it wasn't quick. It was messy and bloody and lonely and went on and on and on. The ultimate surrender ultimately ended in death. And death isn't pretty and it smells foul and looks ugly and who really wants to die and go into the ground?

But the ultimate surrender lead to the ultimate prize. Out of the mess and the blood and the pain and the isolation came grace and mercy and love that conqueres death for all of eternity.

Surrender leads to life. A life more glorious then one could ever imagine. Because the One who is I AM makes beauty from ashes and loves to lavish upon those whom He loves. His plans are greater then ours and bigger then ours and who are we to stand in His way?