I'm reading a book.
And this book is tearing me apart. I haven't picked it up in weeks yet it still rips and pulls and it's uncovering the ugly. And I don't like what lies beneath so I keep covering it back up and the Spirit keeps uncovering. Uncovering it in ways that leave me naked and exposed to the ugliness that the evil one loves to shame us into covering.
It's a rather silly struggle. It's a struggle with the One who already sees and He already knows what it is that I won't type. And He sees it for all the ugliness that it is yet He is still here and He was here yesterday and He will be here tomorrow and the next day and the day after that for all of eternity. You can't run Him off and you can't hide and you can't tell Him to go away.
Because deep down you don't want Him to leave..... but then again deep down you really want Him to leave.
Because He is so holy and I am so unworthy and how.... why.... why does the One so holy so desperately want to be with someone so unworthy? Why does He find me worth seeking after and why don't I desire to seek after Him? Why do I think running is safer? Why do I follow in Adams footsteps, thinking it's better to cover my nakedness then stand exposed to the very one who knitted me together and called me by name and breathed life into my lungs and sees all the scars and all the ugliness and all the shame yet calls me beloved and His treasured possession? And why would He send His only Son to save a wretch such as me? Why? Why chase after a lamb that is always running away?
Because He is the I AM who created me and knitted me together for His glory and for His purpose. He is the One that is Holy, set apart, yet He desires to be with me a wretched human for whom He gave His only Son so that I might be saved from my wretched self and walk with Him.