Do not grow weary

Those are the words that come out as I listen to her. She is a fresh graduate, so much going for her but a past that tries so hard to hold her back. This transition is hard enough without bleeding wounds, my mind can't fathom being so young and so scarred. My heart is heavy as my ears take in the hurt from her voice, and my eyes see the longing just to be free from the past.

It hurts to see one so young struggle so hard yet I know that God heals and that He uses those hurts to grow us stronger and to help those in need. Yet it never gets easier to listen to the hurt, to the pain... to see how crafty the enemy is at making lies sound like truth and how he loves to beat those that are fallen.

Why do we believe when he tells us that God won't forgive us again... and that this time, we've messed up so bad there's no going back.

I read this blog (forgive me for not bookmarking it, I wish I remember where I read it as I has stuck with me all week), and the story the author wrote was just what I needed to hear and just what I needed to share.

It was the story of the prodigal son.... you know the one. That son who grabbed up his inheritance early then squandered it on worthless junk that soon was gone and ended up eating with pigs. We all know how it ends too.... with the father welcoming him home with open arms, no questions about where he had been or what he spent his inheritance on.... the father was simple glad he was home and safe.

But what happened next? What about the next morning when the son got up? How did the father treat him then? Had the son learned his lesson?

From my own experience, what happens is that the son hangs around for a few days/weeks trying to figure out how to earn back the Father's love. It doesn't take long to realize that he will never earn it and so away he runs.... and the Father? Well the Father once again takes up residence at the top of the hill constantly looking out for the lost son to once again come home. And when he does, he greets him the same way.... ever.single.time.

I told her that story... and realizing that I myself needed the words just as much as her. Life is hard.... we grow weary, we mess up, we throw tantrums and God keeps forgiving. All He expects from us is to get back up and take the next step... to do the next right thing.

Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time, you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up.

Galatians 6:8

The struggle with-in

It's been well over a week since I have ventured here to share my thoughts... my heart.

To be very honest with you I have stayed far away from this place... and it's not for lack of writing material.

I started writing here for myself.... as a way to record those things that He teaches me. A place that I could go back and read for myself what I have learned.... what I should of remembered.... and maybe share a few things with a few close friends.

But the God I serve once again shows me that it is never about me... and always about Him. One thing I have learned in the short time I have been blogging is that God uses the broken, the humble, the ones who feel so unworthy. He uses them in ways that make them uncomfortable.

I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the sweet words that so many of you leave for me to see.

I am once again left amazed at how He works.... after all none of you know the heart struggle I have. But He does, and He sends words of encouragement when I need it the most. 

You see there is a monstrous struggle going on inside of me. A tug-a-war of sorts between my flesh and my spirit. It slowly wears me down.

Another day goes by and as it draws to a close I head for bed. I turn to close the door and stop.... there right in front of me is a door covered in words.... words given to me from Him.

As I read the many verses my mind wanders back to the moments that each were written... each one holds a special meaning, all written down in moments when I thought I was lost beyond hope, moments when I felt no peace. Words of encouragement from the only One who can speak to the depths of my soul.

My eyes land on one, I close my eyes and let it sink in.

For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." 

Deuteronomy 20:4

I do not fight this battle alone...

And according to this, losing is not an option.

Oh how wonderful and marvelous our Father is. He who is faithful to fight for us even when we prove to be unfaithful to Him.

Truths to remember

Days go by and struggles come,

sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. 

The flesh in me wants to do wrong, 

the Spirit says to do right.

I want to do right. I don't always succeed.

The problem is no matter how hard I try to justify it,

wrong is never right, and truth never lies.

I wrestle with my flesh, I want His peace.

I forget that peace never fights.

When will I learn to sit still in His peace

and let Him do the fighting.

I yearn for brokenness, 

and it comes in the form of tears.

The trouble is that tears, they dry.

I search for ways to earn my way back to Him, 

yet I somehow forget,

  that His grace is always free.

I am convinced that I have to earn His love,

and that it runs out.

But I don't, and it doesn't.

The beauty of my Savior is

that His love is free

and it never runs dry.

Brokenness

Brokenness.

Ever been there?

It's necessary this side of heaven.

It is not enjoyable, but the fruit that it bears is so much sweeter.

Brokenness allows walls to come done. It brings healing... it brings joy... and strengthens faith.

Brokenness deepens the bond between Creator and created

It must happen as the created often fails to realize the depth of their own depravity. However, that is why there is grace. Without it there is no hope... no salvation... only death.

Grace is what allows wounds to heal. Grace is what allows a wretched, created vessel like myself to run straight into His arms, even after running far away from Him for so long.

It's always there... always free. Waiting on me to come get it. I can do nothing to earn it.You can do nothing to earn it. It is free. Given to those who He loves.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.

Ephesians 1:5-6