Wednesday, August 19, 2015


I'm reading a book.

And this book is tearing me apart. I haven't picked it up in weeks yet it still rips and pulls and it's uncovering the ugly. And I don't like what lies beneath so I keep covering it back up and the Spirit keeps uncovering. Uncovering it in ways that leave me naked and exposed to the ugliness that the evil one loves to shame us into covering.

It's a rather silly struggle. It's a struggle with the One who already sees and He already knows what it is that I won't type. And He sees it for all the ugliness that it is yet He is still here and He was here yesterday and He will be here tomorrow and the next day and the day after that for all of eternity. You can't run Him off and you can't hide and you can't tell Him to go away.

Because deep down you don't want Him to leave..... but then again deep down you really want Him to leave.

Because He is so holy and I am so unworthy and how.... why.... why does the One so holy so desperately want to be with someone so unworthy? Why does He find me worth seeking after and why don't I desire to seek after Him? Why do I think running is safer? Why do I follow in Adams footsteps, thinking it's better to cover my nakedness then stand exposed to the very one who knitted me together and called me by name and breathed life into my lungs and sees all the scars and all the ugliness and all the shame yet calls me beloved and His treasured possession? And why would He send His only Son to save a wretch such as me? Why? Why chase after a lamb that is always running away? 

Because He is the I AM who created me and knitted me together for His glory and for His purpose. He is the One that is Holy, set apart, yet He desires to be with me a wretched human for whom He gave His only Son so that I might be saved from my wretched self and walk with Him. 

Saturday, April 25, 2015


It's easy when you walk on the shore.... when life goes as planned. When you can see the hand that holds you and the Sonset in all His glory.

It's when the storm comes in and sweeps you out into the unkown and the whole world starts to spin. And the unknown lasts for days and weeks and months and seems to have no end. It's when the dark begins to seep through your pores and drag you under and you can't find your way back up. It's the not seeing the hand, not seeing the light that is the most frightening.

But just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.
It's the storm and the dark and the unknowns that lead to surrender.
And isn't that the ultimate end.... to surrender it all?

When I am on the shore, surrender is easy and the cost is cheap.
But when the storm comes and waves are overhead, surrender is hard and costly.

But why? Why is it easier to trust when on the shore? Why is it that when the unknowns creep in that the walls go up? And that's when it is hard to let go and let the I AM be. To trust when the road ahead can't be seen or goes on without end. That's when surrender hurts.

But so did the nails.... the ultimate surrender wasn't pretty and it wasn't without pain and it wasn't quick. It was messy and bloody and lonely and went on and on and on. The ultimate surrender ultimately ended in death. And death isn't pretty and it smells foul and looks ugly and who really wants to die and go into the ground?

But the ultimate surrender lead to the ultimate prize. Out of the mess and the blood and the pain and the isolation came grace and mercy and love that conqueres death for all of eternity.

Surrender leads to life. A life more glorious then one could ever imagine. Because the One who is I AM makes beauty from ashes and loves to lavish upon those whom He loves. His plans are greater then ours and bigger then ours and who are we to stand in His way?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


The days have been long.

The days have been dark.

Rain has poured, thunder has rolled through and lightening has struck with the intention to cause as much harm as possible.

Relationships are torn, emotions gain the upper hand and darkness has covered the land.

The Son is covered, roads are washed out. Trees, whose roots run deep, are snapped in two. And as the roots that once held the soil in its place are torn free a mass of earth races down and covers the land.

Vision is lost and hope is grim.

Yet there is hope.

Those washed out roads..... new ones can be built that lead to new places.

And trees...... well they can be replanted. New roots will form to hold together the soil and life will spring up from the displaced soil.

The Son... while it may be covered.... it is still there..... it is always there.

See that's the thing about storms..... they always seek to destroy. But the Son is always there, only hidden by clouds. It will be uncovered and it will bring forth new life. The storm.... well the storm eventually dies because it cannot out last the Son.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Radically.... or normal???

There's been a struggle... ever since I came back from that place which now holds a very large section of my heart.

I can't run away from it.... and He won't leave it alone.

Particularly the last few days.

I wake up and pray like crazy all the way to work.

Then at lunch , there it is in my inbox, a post about the very struggle.

I share with a co-worker... who happens to be struggling too.

This idea that radical faith...... that, well, it really isn't so radical. Its the NORM.

Because a life transformed by the love of a God who so loved that He gave.... He gave.... so we too should give.

And if He gave His one and only... shouldn't we give Him our everything?

That maybe, since our lives have been transformed... that we should look, and act, and see differently.

So differently that to those in the dark our way seems foreign.... and maybe a tad uncomfortable.

Why do we look at those who give, who sacrifice for the needy, who actually live as though the words He wrote are true.... why do we look at them and call them radical? Is that not how Jesus said we should live? Is that not the way it should be for each of us?

 Or is that one of those not-to-be-talked-about subjects among those living a comfortable life sitting in a church pew talking about those radical people who have such amazing faith?

And what about me? Am I one sitting in the pew or am I one who stands out? Do I live the Word? Do I live what I read or do I simply tuck it away for a rainy day or for when it suits me or for when I have time?

Do I read the words and live as if He really does exists?

Do we read the words in Matthew 7 and just not understand or rather do we ignore it because the truth of those words make us realize that our life should look different then it currently does?

Because the Lord is very clear that the road is narrow and the gate is small... only a few find it.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Praise in sorrow

The funeral was hard... Beautiful and yet ugly all at the same time.

The hurting hearts and the tears flowed and not a dry eye could be found. As brothers stood and laid out their hearts.... wide open for all the see. They shared memories of the past and hurts of the future.

Then the sisters stood and read words that went straight to the heart. Words that touched, words that stirred and encouraged and challenged. Words that broke my heart and challenged my heart all in the same moment.

The pastor spoke and reminded us that even in times of great sorrow He must be acknowledged and He must be trusted and He must be praised.

Then pictures and memories filled the screen and there were smiles and laughs and tears and a mom and a dad broken beyond belief and brothers trying to remain strong and sisters not knowing what to feel and friends mourning a loss and hurting for the ones that are without.

A hug to the youngest sister breaks my heart in two as she clings to me and as her tears flow yet once again unable to control them. Oh how my heart hurts for her.

What to do after a time like that is hard to know. A gathering with friends brings healing to souls. We sit and stare not knowing what to say to each other. Some cry, some hold. A game is played and laughter is heard. Talk of upcoming events starts to bring back smiles. We end with a guitar and broken hearts lift up their voices in praise to the One who heals, who comforts, who restores and who renews.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:29

Thursday, January 10, 2013

He is

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,  though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
Psalm 46:1-3

The earth sends rain. Sometimes it trickles down slowly, other times it rages down with a vengeance.

This world that we live in is a cruel place and our enemy is not asleep.

Sometimes he attacks quietly and in ways that often go unnoticed. Other times he sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back, seeking to suck the very life out of you in one big swoop.

Thankfully the Father is there, there to bind up our wounds and wipe away our tears. 

He grieves alongside and holds the weary when they can't pick themselves up.

He stands in the midst of a group of youth as the tears fall and the hugs go around and when all they know is to hold each other while crying out to the One who hears all and is all and who understand all even when we don't. He sits in the room with the family who has lost the son... the brother... the friend and grieve a life gone way before it should of been. He is there amongst it all because He is God and He is and He has been and He always will be.

And sometimes that is all we know.... that God is God.

And it has to be enough because it is enough.

It is enough to know that the Almighty God is here and is in all things. Even if/when we don't understand He is. 

We were never promised an easy life, nor were we promised a life without pain and sorrow. But we are promised that we will never walk through a single second of it alone.

He is our refuge and He is our strength and He is our God.

Friday, December 28, 2012

My "end of the year" post

This year has completely flown by. When the year began I had just started a new job and was a little skeptical of this "career" path The Lord had placed me on. I survived my first tax season and settled into a summer of busyness.

Summer flew by and I somehow ended up in a country that if you had told me back in January I was going to visit I would have laughed at you.

Now here am at the end of the year and all can think about it returning to that beautiful country full of amazing people who yearn to know God more.

I have no clue what this year will bring. The older I get the more I realize that what I think will happen most likely will not. After all I am not in the driver seat and I can't tell you how happy I am about that.

I do know that as of today I am planning a trip back to Africa.... Hopefully this time for several months and to a couple of different countries. The Lord may never have me move there but let me tell you that it is what I want to do and if He does call I will be ready.

The teens that I am working with at my church want to go and I will do whatever It takes to get them there. I cant begin to describe to you just how much a trip to this country will change you, it shows you a side of our Father that you can't possibly see here in America. We have several HUGE fundraisers in the works and I have no clue how they will happen as tax season is about to descend upon me and I will have no time but I do know that this is what I am supposed to be doing so somehow The Lord will give me the strength and the people to make it l happen.

I am amazed at what The Lord has done to my heart in the last few months. I am also amazed at how quickly He can change the desires of my heart. As I look over the path my life has taken in the last few years I can so see the Masters hand in every bit of it. The turns I took that at the time made no sense make sense now, or at least of few of them do:) what an awesome example and reminder that The Lord truly does work for good the plans of those that love Him.