Unwanted lesson

Sitting in church, listening.... struggling. The pastor says words that do not sit well within this rebellious and wretched person.

Words... questions that challenge who I am and who I want to be.

Do you ever give God advice on what He should do with your life?

I grimace, hide my eyes and inside I fill with shame. The answer is of course yes, far more often then I'd like to admit.

Then something stirs within and I hear a quiet yet clear voice.... how often do you get mad when I don't listen to your advice?

Ouch.... ok Father, you got me, right where You want me... right where I need to be.

I'm listening even though the words hurt, even though the lesson is unwanted.

The pastor preaches on, reminding me of truths I know, truths that are at the core of who I am.

I am most satisfied when I am satisfied in Him. The happiest I will ever be, is right where He wants me.

Not where I want to be.

No greater joy can be found then that which is found when I am at the center of His will... when He is the center of my life.

I ask Him for forgiveness... I don't like being outside His will. I desperately want Him to be what my life is centered around.

Father forgive me when I fail you, forgive me when I think I know best. Thank you for extending great mercy upon one who deserves nothing but Your wrath.