Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My new home.... and my amazing God

Whew.... so there is so much to tell. My life is crazy busy. I am so thankful for this job that allows me to sit here and write. It may not pay much but it is definitely the job I need right now.

As you all know I have moved and horses are finally home with me. I, with my handy dandy new iphone, have finally taken some pics of the place.

Here is the side-view of the house with the barn in the background. Behind me is the pasture my horses are in.

Here are my 2 lovely steeds in their pasture.... they want me to stop taking pics and feed them their dinner(-:

Here is the barn

And the arena.... my favorite part(-:

I still can't believe that this is where I live. So far we have ridden almost every day. It is so fantastic to have someone to ride with. But now I must tell you the best part

You know, from reading all my past posts, that I've been struggling to understand the plan that God has for me right now. I know that one day my life will be consumed with a family, raising kids, homeschooling, taking care of my home, and being a wife. But I've wrestled with knowing what God wants me to do in the mean-time. Why He hasn't brought that man into my life has been a prevailing question. I've been praying, seeking out why I'm still single and what it is that He wants me to do during this season of life. I have heard Him tell me what He does not want me to do but no clear answers on what to do.

I know that part of it is that I am learning patience. This go-doer, fixer, constantly having to move person is learning the meaning of being still and waiting on the Lord. A very, VERY hard lesson for me to learn. But I am learning it.

So a little bit over a month ago I thought I heard Him tell me to ride horses. I struggled with this because I am very cautious when it comes to my horses. I often feel like that when I spend a lot of time with them or begin to pursue my dreams of competing that it is out of my own selfish desires. So when I heard Him say ride horses I questioned if that was His voice or mine.

Well I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more and the answer was clear to at least pursue it. So I did and that's how I ended up here.

I woke up this morning knowing that I clearly heard His voice in this and that I am in the center of His will. I know that this is exactly where He wants me.

A month ago, I only knew a handful of unbelievers and I was not close at all to any of them. In the past 2 weeks I have been surrounded by them and have begun to develop relationships with a few.

This is quite scary. It has been intimidating. One of the girls, JT, is searching. She is on the fence. She wants to believe in God but has some many unanswered questions. We had a long talk one night and it was somewhat discouraging. I don't have answers to her questions.

How do I know He is real?

Because I do.

I know that He lives inside of me.

I know that He is my Savior.

I know because I have a relationship with Him.

Because He and I are one... we cannot be separated. He is apart of me... closer then my own skin.

I may not be able to explain Him scientifically, but I can give you a reason for the hope that lives inside of me.

One thing I do know is that God cannot, and never will be, fully understood. If I could give a reasonable, rational answer to everything about Him then there would be no reason for faith. Faith is a key part in the relationship with Him. Belief in Him just because He says to is essential to salvation. It requires a humbleness, a realization that He is supreme and I am not. That He is holy and I am wretched. That I am in need of something that I can't get on my own. That above all I need Him...  I need Him to give me faith to believe in Him.

And that's what I told her.

I told her that I wish I could answer her questions. But faith can't be explained... it must be experienced and it must be given by God.

I felt defeated after that conversation... that I should of said more. Worried that I didn't make sense or that what I said sounded uneducated. Doubt crept in and the enemy tried to set up camp inside of me.

Thankfully He is a God who encourages, who protects His sheep, and a God who hears the cries of His children.

Last night JT and I talked again. After an evening of working with the horses we sat down out back to talk. She told me that she respected me. She told me, (pardon the language but these are her words, not mine) that I wasn't someone she'd want to F*** with. That I actually intimidated her. That normally she is the type of person that sees someone like me and tries to mess them up. Not me, she said, I wouldn't want to mess you up. Then she tells me that being around me makes her cautious, that she catches herself not wanting to cuss around me.

I'm not telling you this to brag on myself... but because I was shocked.

It was totally a God thing. As I went to bed I heard His voice, "I told you to trust Me. This isn't about you... remember... it's all about Me. As long as you are willing and obedient you will eat the best of the land."

And it was the best.... nothing.... and I say NOTHING compares to knowing that God just used you to impact someones life for His kingdom. It's the most comforting, encouraging, amazing feeling ever.

So, as I told my dad last night. Yes, God did tell me to ride horses, and He'll fill in the details.

*So if you will.... please join me in praying for JT. That God will continue to open doors there for me. That she will remain open to Him. Pray for a soft heart , for us both. That I will remain obedient and willing. I want the words that come out of my mouth to be from Him. And also that I will remain strong, realizing that all around there are people watching my every move. I want my light to shine and for His love to be seen in my every action.

1 comment:

Nicku said...

LOVE this! What an amazing story. I will be praying for both of you. The season of singleness has been my number one greatest challenge as well. You're in good company.
“Lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.” Luke 21:28...He's got a perfect plan and is clearly using you and showering you with his presence in the meantime, you can count on Him!