Sometimes life doesn't go the way we plan on it going.
Sometimes His plans and my plans are like apples and spaghetti.
Sometimes I don't like His plans.... and sometimes I have the audacity to tell Him so.
That's what I did the other night. On the long drive home, I tuned out the child in the back telling stories to her stuffed dog, and had a long talk with my Maker.
So many thoughts running through my head... so many things going on in my life..... so many paths that can be taken.
He says, "I want you to walk this way".... I say, "I want to walk that way."
He says, "if you will go my way... willingly and obediently then you will eat the best of the land."
I say.... "how about I take this road and eat the second best of the land??"
That was the wrong thing to say.
I feel His anger... or maybe its more like disappointment.
Really... really?? "You would settle for the second best when I'm willing to give you the best???" He firmly asks.
Have you've ever been there?? So uncomfortable with the path that has been laid before you that you shake your head no. It looks so different.... maybe even scary... that you cling to this other idea and stop in your tracks unwilling to move forward.
He's been so patient with me these last few months as I've struggles and wrestled with His plans. Last night I knew that the time for patience was over.
Like a father who firmly puts his foot down and says enough. The Father says, "No, this is not an okay thing to ask. You cannot settle. I care too much for you to let you settle for anything less then the best. I'm sorry that you don't like it, I'm sorry that it's not what you had in mind. But enough of this fighting. I've told you what I expect, where I want you to go. I'm done with your rebellion. It's time to step up and take my hand. You know that I am always here, that I will be there every step of the way. Trust me my child."
Not exactly what I wanted to hear.
I sat there and let His words sink in. I don't like them. I don't like what He is asking me to do... I'm not exactly thrilled about the direction He is asking me to go.
You see, this path... the one He wants me on.... is lonely.I know it is because He has told me so. That, I'm pretty sure is the reason that I fight so hard.
I kept asking.... begging for a different way, The answer last night was a very clear, no.
The only choice now is to step up and walk forward. Something I've learned in my short time here on this earth is that sometimes the only thing you can do is the next right thing. If I wait on a willingly attitude then I might never move. However if I take that first step... become obedient then He rewards that. The willing and joyful attitude will follow. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next week, but I must keep stepping forward one foot at a time.
There's a large mountain ahead of me and the journey looks treacherous and impossible. But I know that with Him all things are possible and that no path is too treacherous with Him by my side.