Now that they are here, the excitement dwindles.
I forgot about the loneliness that creeps in with the holidays.
I forgot about the hurtful part of greeting old friends.
You see being a single girl, amongst a group of married friends and family is quite difficult, in a way that you wouldn't understand unless you've been there. And I mean really been there. And the difficulty of it is magnified during the holidays.
It's hard to always here, "Well I need to check with..." or, "No, ....and I already did that."
And there is nothing fun about showing up to every function by yourself.
But the worse part of it is seeing those you don't normally see throughout the years and having to answer all those unwanted questions about your life and how unsuccessful you have been (in their eyes of course).
It takes everything I have and some strength from the One above to answer each interrogating question with a smile.
"Yes, I'm still single."
"No, I am not seeing anyone."
And the really ignorant ones go a step further... "Don't you think it's time to be settling down?"
I force a smile and just say no, after all I really enjoy the freedom that comes with singleness.
Sometimes I even chuckle and tell them that my four-legged boyfriend leaves no time for a two-legged boyfriend (which is partially true thus the chuckle)
Little do they know the tears that are flowing beneath the surface. Of course I want to be settling down, its the deepest desire of my heart to be married.
The question I wish I could ask them is how I get the Creator of the Universe, and the Director of my steps to put that plan in motion? Is there a secret that I am unaware of? Is there some magic prayer that I need to be saying to get Him to understand just how much I want it to be my turn? Because I would love to be enlightened.
So, I suppress the strong urge to be hateful and remind my self that people rarely think before they speak.
.... and to be full of grace.
Because the One I serve says it is not man that I should seek to please but Him and only Him.
And then someone ends the conversation with, "you look so happy."
That's because I am.
Because I am in the center of His will and that my friends, is the very best place to be.
The beauty of Christmas, a time to celebrate the promise of our Messiah
The beauty in knowing that the promise was fulfilled.
The way Christmas lights make everything look so pretty.
Enjoying the cold... and everything that comes with it like...
And hot tea...
And warm blankets.
The love for my warm snugly, blankets piled on high bed.
The struggle to get out of that warm bed when the morning alarm goes off.
The joyful feeling once I finally get out of that bed, pull on the thick layers of clothes and trudge out to fix breakfast for my fuzzy children.
The greeting from an old friend every morning as I walk out to serve her a steaming, hot breakfast.
That sweet nicker I hear as I near the gate.
The sweet smell of hay as I toss out a flake for each.
Watching those fuzzy children race around in the morning cold, full of energy and life.
Realizing that feeding them makes getting up early worth it.
|My 4-legged boyfriend :-)|