Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Stumbling but never falling

The battle rages on and I hear of a brother who, like me, is fighting that hard fight of wanting what you can't have.

Wanting what you know won't fulfill but craving it still. 

The words that I hear others say don't sit well... and I realize how quickly we forget just how hard the battle is when we aren't fighting it.

A text is sent to that brother and he, like me admits that he is living the no and admits that he knows better. Yet that flesh rages hard and he is drawn to the dark.

I don't give him a lecture, like I'm sure everyone else does, after all who am I to lecture a rebel.

Instead I let him know that he is not alone is his fight... that all of us have been there, and will be there.

Rebellion manifest itself differently in each of us but essentially it is the same battle.... to want what we can't have.... to believe a lie that He withholds good from us... and that we are better off without Him. And from the outside it sounds ridiculous, after all who are we to think that the Almighty doesn't know better, and who are we that we deserve any good.

But when the flesh rages our minds are corrupted, lies take root, and they impair any rational thinking.

It is so unlike me to not have advice to give.... to not know the answer.... but maybe that is where He wants me. To realize that I don't have any answers, that it's not my place to have the answers, and as desperate as I am for answers there aren't any. And that maybe the place He wants me at is at a stand still... to realize that my life is nothing, that I cannot exist without Him.

So I end the conversation with a brother with no sound advice... no words of wisdom on how to get back on his feet.... but I reminded him that he is loved.... and that he is wanted. And there is one thing I know and that is that running doesn't work.... it is far better to fight, even if it means fighting against the very force that gives you breath. And I tell him to come back to us and to show his face... but he says he doesn't want to be fake, to pretend that everything is alright when what he did last night was so wrong.

Isn't that what the enemy wants... for us to think that what we did last night was worse then what our friends did last night, and that if we show our face to them that they will see through the facade and see the selfishness and ugliness that really makes up who we are?

We forget that the blood didn't just wash away our past but it washes away our future.... that never again are we seen as ugly.... no matter what we did last night. Once we are covered we are covered, and nothing we can do will ever change that.

We forget that real living means living the yes... even when we feel dirty. After all everyone of us did something last night that we shouldn't have. We all struggle, we all mess up, we are all sinners.

And even now as I sit her and write this He reminds me that we all struggle. The phone vibrates and an email is received.... a verse sent to my inbox at just the right moment.
Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
Psalm 37:24
Yes we will stumble, we will fail, we will feel defeated. But we will never fall. We will never be cast away from the One who loves. He holds our hand. Even when we stumble, even when we pull away, He holds on tight. There is no way to escape Him, no words can make Him loosen His grip..... and I sure am thankful for that.

No comments: