Ann seems to know my heart condition.... that feeling as if I am the walking dead. You know what I'm talking about. The times when we just go through the motions.... the hollow, the shallow, the lifeless motions of existing. She points out that thing I do.... self-protecting by self-distracting. The point where we lose our capacity to feel anything.
Then the paragraph is read that reminds my heart what my head already knows.... "that joy is not an "exotic location of an emotional mountain peak experience." Joy is a choice..... not a feeling.... and it's something that God expects from His children.
It only gets worse...... I read that sentence..... the one that makes me wrinkle my nose up.... the one that makes me wish I had never picked up this book.
"Eucharisteo (thanksgiving) always PRECEDES the miracle"
Oh Ann.... why did you have to write that out for my eyes to see?????
She continues... "Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives. Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our YES! to His grace."
Sigh..... I really did already know that.... after all isn't that what this fighting is all about?? I'm not thankful for what He has given me because I don't want to accept it. I'm still shaking my head no. I don't want to give thanks because I'm not yet ready to accept this place I am at.
But if Ann's words are true... and I am sure they are.... the miracle will not happen until my spirit is thankful. The only way to accept this place is to find the good.... find the things to be thankful for.... to search for them. And in searching for the good am I not really searching for Him.... for His fingerprints? And I know that if I will just look then I will find.
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.Luke 11:9
* I wrote about chapter 1 here
All quotes come from chapter 2 of Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand gifts.