A new season

Its pouring outside. The rain streams down the windows and makes it hard to see.

A friend sent me a text today.... a friend I haven't talked to in quite awhile. She asked me if I had read One Thousand gifts. I laughed as I wrote back that I had. We started talking about it and somehow I find myself here... it's been a little while since I have last been here. In fact I never did finish writing on the last chapters of that book.

I think about that book as I text back and forth with her. I read back over some posts I had written and conviction comes and suddenly here I am... writing.

When the rain comes and life gets busy some things.... things that should not be, are forgotten.

It's my favorite time of the year.... the time when leaves turn and the air grows cold. Nights are longer and He sends down the rain.... the ground which has been thirsty for so long drinks deeply.

Summer is harsh down here.... the heat suffocates everything and slowly death comes.

Yet the Lord's timing is perfect just as the roses begin to breath their last a drop of rain falls and a dip in the temperature becomes their saving grace. Now the air is cool and the flowers in the garden give one last burst of color before winter sets. The beauty that fall brings is breath taking.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Do not grow weary

Those are the words that come out as I listen to her. She is a fresh graduate, so much going for her but a past that tries so hard to hold her back. This transition is hard enough without bleeding wounds, my mind can't fathom being so young and so scarred. My heart is heavy as my ears take in the hurt from her voice, and my eyes see the longing just to be free from the past.

It hurts to see one so young struggle so hard yet I know that God heals and that He uses those hurts to grow us stronger and to help those in need. Yet it never gets easier to listen to the hurt, to the pain... to see how crafty the enemy is at making lies sound like truth and how he loves to beat those that are fallen.

Why do we believe when he tells us that God won't forgive us again... and that this time, we've messed up so bad there's no going back.

I read this blog (forgive me for not bookmarking it, I wish I remember where I read it as I has stuck with me all week), and the story the author wrote was just what I needed to hear and just what I needed to share.

It was the story of the prodigal son.... you know the one. That son who grabbed up his inheritance early then squandered it on worthless junk that soon was gone and ended up eating with pigs. We all know how it ends too.... with the father welcoming him home with open arms, no questions about where he had been or what he spent his inheritance on.... the father was simple glad he was home and safe.

But what happened next? What about the next morning when the son got up? How did the father treat him then? Had the son learned his lesson?

From my own experience, what happens is that the son hangs around for a few days/weeks trying to figure out how to earn back the Father's love. It doesn't take long to realize that he will never earn it and so away he runs.... and the Father? Well the Father once again takes up residence at the top of the hill constantly looking out for the lost son to once again come home. And when he does, he greets him the same way.... ever.single.time.

I told her that story... and realizing that I myself needed the words just as much as her. Life is hard.... we grow weary, we mess up, we throw tantrums and God keeps forgiving. All He expects from us is to get back up and take the next step... to do the next right thing.

Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time, you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up.

Galatians 6:8

Results!!!!

Well the show was a success!!! We accomplished our goal of having a relaxed ride and there was no incidents. Romeo could not of behaved any better!!!

As far as competition goes we placed 6th out of 7 in our first class and 6th out of 8th in our second class. Considering that all of those riders have been doing this way longer then me and that most of those horses were high class horses.... aka, high dollar horses, we did pretty darn well!!! Our scores were very fair and higher then I thought they would be:)

Our day started off early.... horses were loaded at 6am... yes I said LOADED at 6 AM. We arrived at the how grounds around 6:30.

As one of the first to arrive we got the spot right next to the arena.

Tif and Jo were up first and had a great ride.

She rode at 8 and again close to 10. Then we had the pleasure of waiting in the horribly lovely AR weather, which was 94 and humid:-/ till my first ride at 3. In between we got to watch our trainer's other-half ride his lovely mare and one of her student's on her horse.

M and Jeeves:)

Usually Dressage shows are very prime and proper and require you to follow strict dress codes. However because this is just a local schooling show... (because this is AR and dressage is a foreign sport in this state and hardly anyone does it, so we have a local group that puts together somewhat cheap shows so we can practice in order to go to the BIG shows out of state where you pay ridiculous amounts of money. And yes I know this makes no sense and I won't even try to explain it because frankly horse people are known for doing crazy and senseless things all the time.)
All that to say... since this is a schooling show the organization does a tropical-themed show for June and July when it's crazy hot and we need some sort of extra motivation to get out. So no, normally the horses are not wearing silly flowers in their manes and the riders don't usually wear pick feathers on their helmets but we did have a lot of fun with it!!

Next up was Romeo and I!! But first let me show you my crafty side.... These are the browbands I made. One for Romeo, one for Ria. I sewed in the beads and such on them. They are super hard to capture on film. So much prettier in person.

The far one is mine and it has some blue crystals in, the near one is Ria's and it has some green crystals in it.

Here we are about to go in the ring, I stuck with the classy look and added a few flowers to his mane.  Love the completed look:) 

And here we are in the ring.

Trainer M had nothing but praise for both of us.

All smiles:)

Our second test was much better then our first as my nerves were settled. I was so proud of how well he did.

Tif had the best score of the day on her mare Ria.

And Trainer M's other student was by far the cutest of the day:-)

Overall it was a fantastic day and besides the heat it couldn't of been a better show!

Now it's time to get back to work... only 3 1/2 weeks till the next one and this time Romeo and I have to actually look like a dressage pair.
*Notice how he holds his head in the ring compared to the other horses.... we have to be there.... but trust me when I say it is way easier said then done and takes TONS of practice to get there.

It's show time!!

Well really I have no excuse as to why I haven't updated recently. I have quite a few things mulling around in my head to write about but have yet to start typing any of them.

I did however think that an update was necessary. The past two weeks I have done very little other then ride, or think about riding. My show is tomorrow.... It has been several years since I last showed and when I did it was on the mare who always carried me through, not the other way around. Dutch is the rock and I always was nervous so she took charge.

Well Romeo is the opposite..... tomorrow will be his first show and I know that I will have to reach down and find that courage that I know is there. He will need me to carry him and be confident as he will not be!!!

We visited our trainer in hot springs over memorial day for a 4- day clinic/vacation were we had what I call a mini-bootcamp. Romeo received many fantastic compliments from my trainer... I can't even begin to tell you how happy that made me!! All that hard work over the winter had paid off!!! Now we just have to put all that training together, pray for some confidence for me, obedience from Romeo and show off that hard work tomorrow afternoon.

Here are some pics from our clinic weekend....

Hope to have some pics next week of the show... and maybe a video, lol.

Hope all of you are having a fabulous weekend!!!

Drastic changes part 2

Singleness has been a struggle for me for some years now and last year when I moved to my current house and prayed about training and showing my young horse I very much felt that this was the direction God wanted me to go down.... I am also very certain that going down this path meant that I would be single for a few more years, many tears were shed but I said ok, and I chose to follow Him down this path. I used to pray that God would just take away the desire until He was ready to fulfill it (wish life worked that way) but I don't pray that way any more.... I know better. Instead I pray for the strength to endure and also that He would give me other things to think about.

Well for the past month He has done just that and that particular struggle has been far more manageable. So much that I didn't even realize that I wasn't struggling with it. When it dawned on me last week, I started praying immediately and thanked Him, then I asked the why and how questions (that's the philosopher in me). The past few weeks had been so peaceful. And I think that a large part of it was that I was not spending an enormous amount of time with this group of people. This shocked me as in the past when I have had weeks away from them my walk was usually worse off as these friends are one of the tools that God has always used to keep me on "track" and encourage me. They have very much been a rock for me in the past and so I was very confused.

Of course I prayed and asked for clarity and it came in form of a coffee date with one of those friends. She is so precious to me and I am so thankful for a friend that I can be completely honest with without worries of what she will think. She knows my heart and is a great soundboard: ) So I came to her with this issue and she just listened. She knows how hard the past few months have been and through it all has stuck with me and sought me out when I retreated.

The more I talked about it.... the more I prayed about it..... it made sense. And then I spent time with the group for the first time in a long time and on the way home I knew what He was saying. Change is hard and often uncomfortable but that doesn't mean it is wrong.

You see in our group... and I am only talking in regards to the girls.... there are several single guys in the group but I personally do not see it appropriate to talk about such matters of the heart with the opposite sex (too many dangers there that are not worth taking). In our group of friends that meet together regularly I am the only single person. I used to never really notice it but lately I have. I notice that I really don't fit into the conversations anymore. As we sit around and talk about our week, theirs consist of cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, finding little time to sleep, little time to do other things. My week consists of sitting in front of this computer, calling customers about insurance, and running a farm. Their struggles are finding balance between kids and husbands, work schedules and family time. My struggles are dealing with a 5 month old puppy and his chewing stage and trying to decide how best to use my evenings, riding or building fences.

I know that there is nothing wrong with what I do, or how I spend my time but when your friends are talking about the stress of dealing with a toddler, and while a 5 month old puppy and a toddler do have things in common, it doesn't sound good to compare the two. And conversations about horses and dogs seem trivial compared to talks about the difficulties in marriage. And usually the phrase... "You'll understand one day" gets thrown in a time or two, and that frustrates me and I usually end up finding a kid or two to do something with at that point.

And then I read this article Monday morning from incourage and I realized that when I was around them as a group (things are great one-on-one) I put on a mask. I pretend to be ok just sitting on the outside looking in, I smile and nod my head in agreement to their comments (as if I understand what it is like to live with a man). Trust me it's just easier to nod and smile like you do. Realizing this frustrated me because I am not a person who wears a mask often and here I am with people I look to most often and I have a mask on. It makes me take some steps back and really think about things.

While I do not think nor will I cease to be apart of this group of friends I do think that taking a few steps back is the right thing to do. God has been so gracious to put some great people in my path recently that have really encouraged me and they are completely unrelated to this group. I also learned in the past week that a very good friend from early college days has moved back and lives just down the street.... She is a strong believer and loves horses like I do. While she is not single, her husband is deployed leaving her with two small children all by herself. I do not think that this is a coincident at all. I think God is making some changes in my life that are quite drastic and slightly uncomfortable and He is asking me to just hold on. I have no idea what direction that will be and who will be apart of it... for that matter I'm not really sure where I am going with this post either : ) But I know it feels good to write about it and maybe one of you can relate, offer advice, or just needed a laugh.

One thing I know is that life is full of seasons and while they may look different or take us down a path we didn't anticipate God will never leave us to fend for ourselves. He takes care of those He loves and if He leads us down a path you can be certain that it worth going down.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Drastic changes part 1

Sorry for the lack of writing this month.... There are some things that God is teaching me that are complicated. I can't tell you how many drafts I have in my posting section. Some topics just don't yet make sense in writing and some are subjects that need to be written carefully. And then there are some that just don't come out right. So bare with me over the next few weeks and pray that God will bring clarity on these teachings... I really need it.

One of the difficult things about these lessons is that they are mostly about my friendships and their impact on my spiritual health. Usually when God brings things to mind I talk it over with several different close friends... talking helps me sort things out, after all things can sound great in your head but then you say them and you realize that its crazy or the light bulb comes on:-)

The problem is.... some of the things God is revealing is about them.

The last month has flown by and I am pretty sure that I have lost an entire month of my life without realizing it. I seriously don't remember much of April and May... Is it already May??? Oh, wait, June starts next week.... AGH!!!!!! Where has this year gone?? I feel like I am just now recovering from Christmas and now summer is here???

That being said the past month has been unusual. I have not seen many of my good friends and life has just kept us all very busy.... meanwhile some new friends have crept in and time got away. Early last week I realized that I had not seen a few of my good friends in at least three weeks which shocked me as we rarely go 7 days without at least catching up through texting... but even that had not happened.

But something else hit me too..... you know that one thing I struggle with.... that thing called singleness.... well it hasn't reared its ugly head in awhile..... so I got-to-thinking (uh oh).

What was different about the past few weeks? The one thing that stuck out was my time away from this group of people. Now I just want you to know that I do not think that there is any person that is responsible for my struggles, they are mine.... and I alone make them smaller then they should be or larger then they should be. However when we are struggling in an area I do not think that it is always a bad idea to make some changes that might make that struggle easier to deal with. There are definitely times when we need to face situations and deal with the struggle head on and that is my usual approach. However for several months I had dealt with this issue head on with no change and then all of a sudden there was a drastic change.


*this post got really long so I broke it up into 2 parts... come by tomorrow to read part 2

Blogger's back up:-)

I am sure many of you already are aware but blogger was done for like days!!! Craziness!!!! I am doing a 30 day challenge over at Life with Romeo and now I am behind:-/

I've been working on several posts in my head for a few days now... that's how all my post start. Usually days ahead of time, lots of thinking, lots of praying. Funny... that's pretty much how every single one of my at least a thousand papers I wrote to get my two degrees... typing didn't usually occur till the day before the due date:-)

I haven't forgotten about the last chapters of Ann's book, because I have yet to get past chapter 8.

The chapter has been read, and reread again and again. I can't seem to move past the story of Moses tucked away in a cleft... in complete darkness, while the presence of God passes by him.

"Dark is the holiest place."

It is the most beautiful picture of His redemptive grace.
It is also the most gruesome picture in all of history.

Because the holiest place was also the darkest place and the blood that ran was innocent blood... blood that should of been mine.

But it wasn't mine and it wasn't yours and He willingly shed His own so that I wouldn't have to shed mine.

And yes I know that Easter was weeks ago but I can't seem to move past it... and I don't want to move past it and it breaks my heart that so much of Easter focus on the resurrection and the darkness of the holiday is often glanced over. 

It is in that darkness that we can find comfort.... that the same Savior who provides us with hope can also identify with our sufferings.