The fight for a blessing

In the first few pages of chapter 7 from Ann's book I read this quote that Ann so beautifully states, "That God tries to gently drive the words of Caussade from the knowing of my head to the bleeding of my heart." Oh how I long for the knowledge that sits in the brain to make its way into the veins. To live the knowledge... the yes.... that my head knows. The quote is strong, makes me think hard, and I want this quote to make it all the way down to the heart, and I want my heart to pump it to ever corner of my being.

"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies - though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you expect by the will of God, and yet (God's) beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is." 

If I cling to that truth... that all is His will.... then I will see Him in everything. And then I read this, "I'm blind to joy's well every time I really don't want it." So I don't see joy because I chose not to, never because it isn't there. Joy.... grace.... God..... is always there, but I don't always want to see Him. She takes it a step further. When we reject joy it is not just joy we are rejecting. It is Him, the giver of joy, that we ultimately reject. And when we reject Him we are really saying that don't want God. Never will He withhold joy from our lives, we withhold it from ourselves.

I read on..... she tells the story of Jacob. Oh how I love the story of Jacob, I am a Jacob. Jacob the rusher, the one who believed the lie that He wouldn't fulfill His promise. Jacob, the man who thought God needed help. And Jacob, the one known for his fight with an angel.

"All that while Jacob hadn't known who he was wrestling. Just a man in the dark, a man he couldn't see. And in the black, all that night, it was the face of God over him that he was struggling again. God is behind the faces."

He is behind it all... even in the dark He is there. It is up to us to seek out His face. And sometimes we have to fight for the blessings.... fight through the dark in order to reach the light. 


* I wrote about chapter 6 here
* All quotes are from Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts

Appetites pt 2

A few days ago I wrote appetites part 1. I really liked this sermon and interestingly enough my pastor asked the question "What did you feed your soul this week?" and in my own notes I wrote that down and added, "which appetites did you feed?" I love when what God teaches me during the week lines up with what my pastor teaches on. Proves my "I don't believe in coincidences" statement : ) 

So here I go with part 2 of the appetites topic. If your a recent follower then you are unaware of my love for the story and character of Jacob. You see I am a combination of a Peter and a Jacob; I constantly talk before thinking and my name, like Jacob's should be changed to Israel, which means "he who struggles with God." So when Andy Stanley said to turn to Genesis 25 I got excited. I did not, however, expect for the emphasis to be placed on Esau.

Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright." “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?” But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.

Genesis 25:29-34

 Here is a little background information about this story. First, Jacob and Esau are twins however Esau is the firstborn. Back in biblical days being the firstborn was definitely an advantage.The firstborn is who received the birthright, which was basically like an inheritances but the firstborn got way more then any of the other siblings. Esau's dad, Issac, was rich, really, really rich. Not only was he rich but God had made a covenant with Esau's granddad, Abraham, that one day the Messiah would come through his family. Esau was set to inherit a lot of wealth plus a covenant from God Himself.

Take a look at the passage, Esau was hungry and wanted some of the stew Jacob had cooked. Jacob was happy to oblige as long as Esau traded him his birthright for a bowl of stew. Doesn't that sound absolutely insane??? What person in their right mind would do that?????

Stanley says you would... I would, after all people do it ALL the time.

Remember point #3 from the last post... the one that says your appetite always whispers NOW, never later. This is what is happening here. Esau is hungry, nothing else but feeding himself is on his mind. He does not stop to think, he just does whatever it takes to settle his appetite. Stanley does an interesting thing at this point and we will see if I can do it justly.

If only at this point in the story could a person appear from the future and have a conversation with Esau, you know like one of those movies such as my fav, The Empires New Grove, when the devil and angel appear on Kronk's shoulders to "help" him make a decision. Esau could of used one of those at this point.

Because if Esau could of looked into the future he would see that Numbers 23:10 could read,  "Who can count the dust of Esau, (not Jacob). And the book of Psalms would be filled with verses that say the God of Esau instead of the God of Jacob. And that one day, hundreds of years later a book called Matthew would list Esau in the genealogy of the Messiah, not Jacob. And that Messiah would, out of His own mouth, call Himself the God of Esau, not the God of Jacob.

But that didn't happen, in fact Obediah 1:18, says this about the brothers,

"Jacob will be a fire and Joseph a flame; 

Esau will be stubble, 

and they will set him on fire and destroy him. 

There will be no survivors from Esau.
The LORD has spoken"

Because of that one moment, that one choice. Esau lost everything.

Psychology uses the term focalism to describe a situation/appetite when our mind is able to focus only on one thing and everything else is blurred out. Another psychology term that Stanley used is impact bias, which takes a simple appetite and magnifies it out of proportion. Basically it tells your brain that whatever the appetite is it will be satisfied, and exaggerates the experience. And all that to say this:

Your focus changes when your appetite is inflamed.

The reason Esau lost, or rather gave away his birthright was because he could not harness an appetite.

Your appetite only knows one word- more.

So do you know what your appetites are? What are the ways you feed them? Do you rule them, or do they rule you?

I, myself do not know the answer to those questions.... but you bet that I am searching to find out. I want to recognize those appetites so that nothing stands in my way of being all that I can be for Christ. 

He who Struggles with God

For the past three weeks I have been teaching my kiddos about Jacob. We have mostly stuck to the story about him and his brother Esau. I have read and studied this story many times throughout my life and I love that the Word is so alive. It doesn't matter how many times you read a story in the Bible, God can always teach you something new, or remind you of a lesson you may have forgotten about.

As I taught through these stories I noticed a few things about Jacob. One is that the Lord informed Issac and Rebekah that Jacob would be the stronger son. This was not decided by Rebekah, who favored Jacob, or by Jacob himself. The Lord declared that Esau would serve Jacob.

The problem was that Jacob was impatient.

Instead of allowing God to fulfill His own promise Jacob, and his mother, took it upon themselves to fulfill God's promise. Maybe Jacob thought that God had forgotten, or that He didn't really mean what He had said in the beginning....

Or maybe Jacob had forgotten God's promise and the deed was done out of pure selfishness.

Whatever the reason Jacob failed to rely on God to direct his path. He tricked his brother into giving up his birthright and then tricked his own father into giving him his father's blessing.

I wish that I could say that Jacob learned his lesson after this mess that he caused but he didn't. The story continues and we see that Jacob still struggles to trust God to direct his path. In fact Jacob actually wrestles with God on the matter. He fought so hard that God ended up touching his hip just so Jacob would give up. He lived with a limp for the rest of his life because of his stubbornness. God also changed his name to Israel which means, he who struggles with God. How would you like to be named that? Talk about a constant reminder.

As I studied the life of this Old Testament man I see myself. I often struggle with waiting on God. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that God has promised me great and mighty things, but because His timing is different then mine I often grow impatient. Sometimes I, like Jacob, decide to take matters into my own hands.

All this year I have taught about the Israelites and now on Jacob. One thing I see is a pattern of distrust. When something goes wrong, or if something just isn't happening the way they think it ought to go, they grow impatient. They usually don't even ask God. Instead of taking their questions, their wants, their needs to the feet of God they completely throw Him out of the picture.

I wonder what would of happened if Jacob, if the Israelites would of just waited. Or if they had just taken a few minutes to lift up a prayer.

I am pretty sure that if Jacob would have waited he still would have received the greater blessing, and without destroying his family in the process. The Israelites paid a heavy price for their impatience, the first generation all died without entering the promise land. God still remained faithful and fulfilled His promise. Jacob received his blessing but suffered many consequences because of his lack of faith. The Israelites still went to the promise land but think of how many people missed out on the great reward because of their lack of faith.  

It's easy to get frustrated while reading the story of the Israelites, sometimes I forget just how much like them I am. It's much easier to spot someones failing then your own. I don't want to be an Israel. I also don't want to have to make God touch my hip. I would much rather learn my lesson the first time and then enjoy the blessings that follow.

Rebellion is like....

While driving the other day I saw this church marque:

knowing and not doing

is like 

plowing and not sowing

Convicting isn't it?

It hit me square in the face. That is what living in rebellion is like. The field is plowed, waiting to be sowed. Can you imagine a farmer spending days upon days plowing a field, then not bothering to sow it? It's unheard of. It just doesn't make sense. To relate this to my own life I've plowed the fields and even sowed the seeds. After sowing I became tired, weary, and decided to take a vacation. The problem is:

seeds need tending

especially newly sowed seeds

I left... right after planting those small seeds.
Why? The reasons reveal just how weak... selfish... sinful.... and just how far I still have to go. 

A lesson I've learned:

The God I serve does not stop tending His seeds

I may run... I may stop working in the fields with Him, yet He still faithfully works.

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

I am His. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There is nothing I can ever do... nowhere I could ever go that would ever take me away from Him. I may let go of Him, but He never lets go of me. I am His vessel and He will use me for His purpose. 

And He has used me. In mighty ways. I see changes taking place around me that are a result of seeds God has sowed partly through my life. Then I stop and realize that those things happened while I was resisting Him.

If I stopped resisting and worked alongside Him, the impact would be even greater.

We sang a song this morning based on a passage in Jeremiah and so as I sought for a way to end this post I searched through this great book, and found this:

While you were doing all these things, declares the LORD, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer.

Jeremiah 7:13

That's a very clear picture of rebellion. You know the funny thing about rebellion is that while your in it it looks so good, makes so much sense. However, when you start to realize it for what it is it's not so good looking anymore. In fact it's rather disgusting  and sounds really stupid. I guess it's somewhat reassuring that I'm not the first one to ignore the Almighty. The Israelite's did, over and over again. As I read the accounts of their lives I often forget that I act just like them. It's so easy to point out other's  faults rather then my own.

Thankfully He still loves us..... even though time and time again I leave Him to tend those seeds by Himself. Life with Him should be so easy... I give Him everything and in return I become His daughter, receiving the best of the land, things I could only dream of. 

It is I that makes life complicated... not Him. It is I that leave, seeking to gain my inheritance my way, like Jacob who stole his brother's birthright which God already planned on giving him. If Jacob would have waited on God's timing he would of received the same blessing yet without destroying his family. It's upsetting to see how much like Jacob I am. So many times I think that my way is better. That He won't give me the things He has promised, or maybe that He doesn't know what it is that I want. Whatever the reason, it's dumb! I'm dumb! Stupid sinful nature likes to think it knows best.... sigh.... why can't I just give up the fight and let Him win? Why do I have to be so stubborn, so hard headed? Sometimes I wonder why He made this way...lol. I ask Him that I often when I'm arguing with Him. Then I laugh because I know that He loves my stubbornness and hardheadedness, just He prefers that I use them to glorify Him and not argue with Him.

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Jeremiah 33:3

So today this battle ends... I surrender. I'm done with serving the enemy. I'm ready to come home and work in the fields. I'm not listening to my flesh anymore. I'm not letting the enemy win anymore. Today I will fight him with all I have. I will rely on Him for my strength and even when I get weary I will not give up for I know that at the proper time I will reap a harvest, but only if I do not give up.