Drastic changes part 1

Sorry for the lack of writing this month.... There are some things that God is teaching me that are complicated. I can't tell you how many drafts I have in my posting section. Some topics just don't yet make sense in writing and some are subjects that need to be written carefully. And then there are some that just don't come out right. So bare with me over the next few weeks and pray that God will bring clarity on these teachings... I really need it.

One of the difficult things about these lessons is that they are mostly about my friendships and their impact on my spiritual health. Usually when God brings things to mind I talk it over with several different close friends... talking helps me sort things out, after all things can sound great in your head but then you say them and you realize that its crazy or the light bulb comes on:-)

The problem is.... some of the things God is revealing is about them.

The last month has flown by and I am pretty sure that I have lost an entire month of my life without realizing it. I seriously don't remember much of April and May... Is it already May??? Oh, wait, June starts next week.... AGH!!!!!! Where has this year gone?? I feel like I am just now recovering from Christmas and now summer is here???

That being said the past month has been unusual. I have not seen many of my good friends and life has just kept us all very busy.... meanwhile some new friends have crept in and time got away. Early last week I realized that I had not seen a few of my good friends in at least three weeks which shocked me as we rarely go 7 days without at least catching up through texting... but even that had not happened.

But something else hit me too..... you know that one thing I struggle with.... that thing called singleness.... well it hasn't reared its ugly head in awhile..... so I got-to-thinking (uh oh).

What was different about the past few weeks? The one thing that stuck out was my time away from this group of people. Now I just want you to know that I do not think that there is any person that is responsible for my struggles, they are mine.... and I alone make them smaller then they should be or larger then they should be. However when we are struggling in an area I do not think that it is always a bad idea to make some changes that might make that struggle easier to deal with. There are definitely times when we need to face situations and deal with the struggle head on and that is my usual approach. However for several months I had dealt with this issue head on with no change and then all of a sudden there was a drastic change.


*this post got really long so I broke it up into 2 parts... come by tomorrow to read part 2

Blogger's back up:-)

I am sure many of you already are aware but blogger was done for like days!!! Craziness!!!! I am doing a 30 day challenge over at Life with Romeo and now I am behind:-/

I've been working on several posts in my head for a few days now... that's how all my post start. Usually days ahead of time, lots of thinking, lots of praying. Funny... that's pretty much how every single one of my at least a thousand papers I wrote to get my two degrees... typing didn't usually occur till the day before the due date:-)

I haven't forgotten about the last chapters of Ann's book, because I have yet to get past chapter 8.

The chapter has been read, and reread again and again. I can't seem to move past the story of Moses tucked away in a cleft... in complete darkness, while the presence of God passes by him.

"Dark is the holiest place."

It is the most beautiful picture of His redemptive grace.
It is also the most gruesome picture in all of history.

Because the holiest place was also the darkest place and the blood that ran was innocent blood... blood that should of been mine.

But it wasn't mine and it wasn't yours and He willingly shed His own so that I wouldn't have to shed mine.

And yes I know that Easter was weeks ago but I can't seem to move past it... and I don't want to move past it and it breaks my heart that so much of Easter focus on the resurrection and the darkness of the holiday is often glanced over. 

It is in that darkness that we can find comfort.... that the same Savior who provides us with hope can also identify with our sufferings.

An update

The last week has been quite crazy around here. April is a month for rain in this great state and this year we got slammed. Saturday night we got well over 6 inches just while I slept... and then it continue for the next 24 hours. The central part of this state is experiencing flooding like never before and I am thanking God that my family has remained unaffected by all of the craziness the weather has brought upon as of late.

Just a week ago we were slammed with tornadoes... the same line of storms that did so much devastation in AL did not leave this state unscathed before moving on. Thankfully the two that came through central AR went on either side of where I am and left my place alone.

Besides all the crazy and unpredictable weather that puppy that was supposed to go to live with my nephew.... well..... he isn't going anywhere.

Turns out the mostly Aussie mix is really a mostly Catahoula mix. If you, like me, are unfamiliar with a Catahoula let me educate you. A Catahoula is a stock dog... known around these parts as a Louisiana hog dog, they are primarily used to hunt... you guessed it.... hogs. Big, mean, wild hogs. They are known for not backing down in a fight and for being aggressive. They are also extremely dominate and tend to be a one-person dog. Not really a good first dog for a 4-yr old.

However.... he is really cute and really sweet and really smart soooo..... I decided to keep him.

And some days I ask myself why???

He is extremely energetic and tends to be a trouble maker :-/ but he has a strong desire to please and loves me to death. I can already see that one-person trait in him. As far as any aggression, only when food is involved and we work on that every day. I take him everywhere and socialize the mess out of him as I want to avoid any future problems concerning strangers. And I have even started to get up early and take him and my old lab for a walk :-o yes... i did just say get up early.... which for me means anything before 8 and I will say that I have been doing pretty well at that at least 4 days a week... Go me!!!!!

Here are a few pics of my new little guy.... Meet Bentley

You can be sure you will be seeing more of this cute little guy soon :-)

It's Friday.......

"Dark is the Holiest place"

That quote from Ann's book keeps consuming my mind. It fills my thoughts. Makes me think hard, possible because Friday is coming.

Friday.... a day we set aside to remember.... because we forget.

We forget that Friday, a day we call Good Friday, wasn't really a "good" day. I would rather think of it as "dark" Friday. Because that is really the only way to describe it.

The very people He came to save rejected Him.

The men He spent so much time with abandoned Him, and one even went as far as to betray Him.

He was dragged to court in the dead of night and wrongly accused.

The morning of that dark Friday He stood before a crowd.... a crowd made up of people who at that very moment were in the midst of one their most sacred religious festivals. Passover, a period of 7 days in which the Jews were supposed to remember where they came from, and to dwell in the hope that was to come. A time to remember slavery... to remember living in darkness and to remember being brought out of the darkness. A time to remember that one day their Messiah would come to save them from eternal darkness.

And yet there He was, standing right in front of their very eyes and yet they forgot.....

So He stood there, looking into the crowd, into the very eyes which He came to set free. His ears took in their hate filled cries, yet He never looked back. No matter what they said.... no matter what they did He still loved them..... He still wanted to offer them grace... saving grace.

It only got worse.... He was dragged off and beaten, like a lamb led to be slaughtered. His body was torn and His blood ran. He suffered through the humiliation, and made the lonely walk to the top of the hill where He would breathe His last. Then men picked up hammers and began to nail His hands, the very hands that created them, to a tree.

Then the dreadful moment came upon Him.... that moment when the sins of the world... my sins... your sins..... where laid on His back. The Father had to turn His face from the Son. Forsaken by the Father, the ultimate darkness. And for a brief moment it appeared that evil had won.

Darkness......

The day, it was dark, but oh how Holy it was. And as I think on that dark Friday that quote fills my thoughts and yes, I see it. The words slowly begin to make sense. It was dark that day..... the darkest this world has ever experienced. But oh how Holy it was.... maybe even the Holiest of days.... because the Son, the Lamb of God had finally done what He had came to do.... be the perfect sacrifice.

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. 

John 1:10-14

Weekend update

It's been a little while since I have done a random updating post and I figured that now would be a good time for one:-) It's spring here in Arkansas and since I now live on a 10 acre farm that means LOTS of work. My roomate/the farm owner does most of the work but I try to help where and when I can. This years spring task was to reseed 5 acres and split up the current pastures into smaller 1-horse paddocks. Not-so-easy of a task. All that to say there has been little time for riding.... which probably contributes to the downer attitude I have over the last few months. Maybe you have heard the old saying from Winston Churchill, "There is something about the outside of the horse that is good for the inside of a man." Let me tell..... man is that true. Thankfully most of the farm work is done and as long as the weather holds out riding can be the primary focus in the evenings after work. My soul is very thankful and is praying for good weather!!!

So other things going on besides farm work..... well..... not much, lol. Actually this week has been kinda quiet, although I forsee the next week to be extremely busy!!!

Well I'm a fantastic aunt.... really, I am:-) I just helped my sis find my nephew a puppy for his 4th birthday:-o Oh and he is a cutie!!! He is part aussie part who knows, a shelter find and sweet as they come. He is currently staying at the Flying Solo as we await the little guy's birthday.... the puppy is actually is a present from his grandparents but they are out of town so I stepped up, lol.

Reason #1 for a crazy week.... I now have a 5 month old puppy for a week to deal with. A puppy who is not housebroke and not crate trained:-/ I will say that the first day/night wasn't so bad. While he has no idea that he is supposed to pee outside, he does understand that peeing in the crate is a no-no, the bathroom floor is far more inviting!! Crate training isn't so bad. He only barked for a few minutes last nights and was quiet the rest of the night, and even went in quietly after our 2 am potty break (which after 10 min out in the windy cold air he still wouldn't go). Hopefully he will only get better!!

I will try and post some pics of the little guy... whose name is Bentley (it suited him  so we just left it) and show off all his cuteness!!! My dog strider doesn't really know what to think of this new puppy..... I think he will be glad to see him go, he gets a little jealous, lol.

Reason #2 for a crazy week..... I am, along with the bestie, taking 2 p girls to the Disney Princess on ice for their 5th and 11th birthday. Bestie and I are picking them up for a picnik then meeting their mom, other 2 sisters, and 3 friends for the show. It's going to be an awesome day but will kinda through the week off since I have to figure out how to get my Wed job done in the evenings after work and find time to ride as well, plus keep tabs on a puppy.

Hoepfully I will find some time to jump on here and post a few this week.... we will see!!! Hope your weekend has been fabulous and that your week will be quieter then mine will:-)

The perspective of years

On Monday I continued writing on my journey through Ann's book. Chapter 8 is on trusting God and I only got through a portion of the chapter in my last post so consider this Chapter 8 part 2:-)

Towards the end of the chapter Ann makes this statement.

"Sometimes we don't fully see in Christ, because of Christ, through Christ, He does give us all things good - until we have the perspective of years.

In time, years, dust settles.

In memory, ages, God emerges.

Then when we look back, we see God's back."

Then she uses a beautiful illustration from Exodus 33. Moses asks to see God's glory, and this is the response he gets.

"And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” -Exodus 33:19-21

I have read this story... taught on this story many times, and never have I thought of the cleft God stuck Moses in as a dark place. But Ann catches it, and I read on.... and it catches me off guard because one would think that sticking Moses in a cleft and covering him would be just a minor detail, yet now I see it as the most important detail. It's dark in the cleft.... it's even darker when He places His hand over the cleft. Darkness.... unable to see.... no way to know what is going outside..... that is where Moses was placed. It was only after Moses entered the darkness.... the unknown..... that He was then able to see the glory of God. And Ann has this to say.

"When it gets dark, it's only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand?... In the dark, the bridge and my world shakes, cracking dreams. But maybe this is true reality: It is in the dark that God is passing by. The bridge and our lives shake not because God has abandoned, but the exact opposite: God is passing by. God is in the tremors. Dark is the holiest ground, the glory passing by. In the blackest, God is closest, at work, forging His perfect and right will. Though it is black and we can't see and our world seems to be free-falling and we feel utterly alone, Christ is most present to us, I-beam supporting in earthquake. Then He will remove His hand. Then we will look."

Can it really be true, this idea that "dark is the holiest ground?" The statement is hard, and I want to see it as impossible.... but what about the lesson I taught just a few days ago to those young ones. Did not Jesus experience the darkest possible place that day as He hung on the cross? But isn't it through the darkness of the cross... through the death of an innocent man that God's glory was fully revealed? And suddenly the statement doesn't seem so impossible.

But sometimes we don't see Him in the midst of darkness... sometimes it's so dark and we can't see a thing, that is when we have to trust (there's that word again) that He is faithful and will never leave. Because sometimes we don't see Him till later on down the road, till we take a peck in that rear-view mirror. And As Ann says, "I've an inkling that there are times when we need to drive a long. long distance, before we can look back and see God's back in the rear-view mirror... maybe sometimes about as far as heaven- that kind of distance."

*I wrote Ch 8 part 1 here.
*All unmarked quotes are from Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts