Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Not 1 but 2 Awards!!!!

I'm so excited!!!! I got to work this morning and checked my e-mail and to my surprise I had an e-mail announcing that I had received my first award and then just a bit later I received another one!!! Thanks to Peggy Ann and my fabulous little sis Kelsey for the awards(:

Here's the first one:

Here are the guidelines:
1. Thank the person who gave this award to you
2. Copy the award and put it on your blog.
3. List three things which you love about yourself.
4. Post a picture you love.
5. Tag five people you wish to pass this award on to.

So here are 3 things I love about myself
1. My Independence (although it sometimes gets me in trouble)
2. My blue eyes(:
3. My love for reading

A pic I love:  I love that this precious boy enjoys this precious horse that I am blessed to be able to share with him.

And last but not least.... 5 people who deserve this award are:

1. Jenny at Cupcakes, sprinkles, and other happy things - She is the lead singer for Addison Road... this is her ya'll, funny, smart, and honest. I've had the privilege of working a few camps in the past with her and her writing reflects her heart and her love for Jesus
2. Kristina at Dew on the Rose - A new friend that God has recently blessed me with
3. Paula at In Passionate Pursuit - this girl was born a writer... check it out
4. Kelsey over at Tattered and Inked - my amazing and talented little sister who got ALL the creative genes but thankfully shares with her less talented older sister(:
5. Amber at The Working Mom - she has a great blog and leaves sweet comments on mine so thanks Amber!!

Blog number 2 is from my sister... here it is:

The directions are to send to 7 however since I'm relatively new to this whole blogging world I don't have quite enough people to hand out awards to. I know of 2 that I see fit to hand this award out to and they are Heather , who has a lovely blog full of fantastic photos and other random goodness, and Tabitha, who writes about a little bit of everything.

Thanks to those who gave out awards and I hope that those of you who received some enjoy!!!

Moday's blessings


The weekend

An evening alone with my thoughts

The laughter of my Sunday school children as the act out the days story

Listening to those children recite scripture, this will never get old

A lesson that probably had more of an impact on me then it did for those children listening

How God uses the lessons I teach to others teach me

The story of Jacob

Holding little Lexi and amazed at how fast she is growing

Waking up to the sound of rain

Thankful for the much needed rain, my horse pasture desperately needed a drink

An encouraging comment

The excitement of receiving my first blog awards

Fresh fruit

Two dates planned, one with a new friend, one with and old friend

A clean house

The book of Romans

holy experience

The beauty of grace

Okay, so as you know from reading some of my previous posts, I have been just a tad bit rebellious..... okay.... maybe really rebellious. My "big sis" won't let me continue, which is a good thing but kinda annoying. My attitude totally reflects my rebellion so needless to say it's been a bit ugly. Sorry to all of you who have to endure my presence as of late. I promise I'm working on it.

So Sunday I made the decision to change my attitude and I won't lie it's been tough. When Paul writes to the Romans about the evil I do not want to do- I keep on doing, I know exactly what he is talking about. Sunday night after I left "big sis's" house where I received a major butt chewing because of my attitude I came home and checked my e-mail. There was a comment on my blog from my favorite blogger Ann@HolyExperience.

Even when I quit.... He's still working.

I was shocked and in awe. It was the last straw and the tears started to fall. I gave up the fight and just laid at His feet with a heart full of shame and longing for His grace to wash over me. He didn't even hesitate. He is always giving out grace, free of charge... on the house... and with no strings attached. And to receive it all I have to do is ask.

I asked.

He gave.

Once again the Almighty wraps me in His arms. He holds me while I cry and reassures His love for me. He knows the battle is hard, He knows my weary heart. He gently reminds me that here in His arms is the only way to make it through the storm. 

I picked myself up, dried the tears and whispered a thank you to my Father. I'm back where I belong. I'm not letting the rain drag me down anymore. I'm letting it wash over me, letting His grace cover me. Drinking in all that I can, allowing Him to renew my spirit. Ans slowly the Son starts to shine through again. Peaking through the dark clouds, rays beaming through the rain, revealing the beauty of grace.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Rebellion is like....

While driving the other day I saw this church marque:
knowing and not doing
is like 
plowing and not sowing
Convicting isn't it?

It hit me square in the face. That is what living in rebellion is like. The field is plowed, waiting to be sowed. Can you imagine a farmer spending days upon days plowing a field, then not bothering to sow it? It's unheard of. It just doesn't make sense. To relate this to my own life I've plowed the fields and even sowed the seeds. After sowing I became tired, weary, and decided to take a vacation. The problem is:

seeds need tending

especially newly sowed seeds

I left... right after planting those small seeds.
Why? The reasons reveal just how weak... selfish... sinful.... and just how far I still have to go. 

A lesson I've learned:

The God I serve does not stop tending His seeds

I may run... I may stop working in the fields with Him, yet He still faithfully works.
Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
I am His. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There is nothing I can ever do... nowhere I could ever go that would ever take me away from Him. I may let go of Him, but He never lets go of me. I am His vessel and He will use me for His purpose. 

And He has used me. In mighty ways. I see changes taking place around me that are a result of seeds God has sowed partly through my life. Then I stop and realize that those things happened while I was resisting Him.

If I stopped resisting and worked alongside Him, the impact would be even greater.

We sang a song this morning based on a passage in Jeremiah and so as I sought for a way to end this post I searched through this great book, and found this:
While you were doing all these things, declares the LORD, I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer.
Jeremiah 7:13
That's a very clear picture of rebellion. You know the funny thing about rebellion is that while your in it it looks so good, makes so much sense. However, when you start to realize it for what it is it's not so good looking anymore. In fact it's rather disgusting  and sounds really stupid. I guess it's somewhat reassuring that I'm not the first one to ignore the Almighty. The Israelite's did, over and over again. As I read the accounts of their lives I often forget that I act just like them. It's so easy to point out other's  faults rather then my own.

Thankfully He still loves us..... even though time and time again I leave Him to tend those seeds by Himself. Life with Him should be so easy... I give Him everything and in return I become His daughter, receiving the best of the land, things I could only dream of. 
It is I that makes life complicated... not Him. It is I that leave, seeking to gain my inheritance my way, like Jacob who stole his brother's birthright which God already planned on giving him. If Jacob would have waited on God's timing he would of received the same blessing yet without destroying his family. It's upsetting to see how much like Jacob I am. So many times I think that my way is better. That He won't give me the things He has promised, or maybe that He doesn't know what it is that I want. Whatever the reason, it's dumb! I'm dumb! Stupid sinful nature likes to think it knows best.... sigh.... why can't I just give up the fight and let Him win? Why do I have to be so stubborn, so hard headed? Sometimes I wonder why He made this way...lol. I ask Him that I often when I'm arguing with Him. Then I laugh because I know that He loves my stubbornness and hardheadedness, just He prefers that I use them to glorify Him and not argue with Him.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3

So today this battle ends... I surrender. I'm done with serving the enemy. I'm ready to come home and work in the fields. I'm not listening to my flesh anymore. I'm not letting the enemy win anymore. Today I will fight him with all I have. I will rely on Him for my strength and even when I get weary I will not give up for I know that at the proper time I will reap a harvest, but only if I do not give up.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

More gifts to count


An unexpected visit with the nephew

A side job that is more about the blessings then the money

More snuggles with baby Ben

Seeing a friend loving on his little boy

Watching a best friend grow by leaps and bounds as a mom

The grateful feeling when USA finally scored the game winning goal to send them to the next round

A church marquee that says this:
Knowing and not doing 
is the same as 
plowing and not sowing
A Father who remains faithful and sows seeds for me

The slow but steady crawl back towards the safety of His arms

A thunderstorm which provides a much needed relief in this horribly hot weather

My young prima donna of a horse who hates this heat more then I do yet stills puts up with my kisses(:

The heat that males my young horse un-ride-able which forces my attention to my old trusted mare

An unplanned but much needed girls night with two of my best friends

A cool swim on a hot day

The warm sun on my skin after a good swim

Money left over even after rent and bills are paid

Fresh home-grown blueberries

A turkey sandwich with slices of my first tomato fresh off the vine

Snow cones on a hot day with my favorite 8 yr old

holy experience

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


See, O LORD, how distressed I am!
I am in torment within,
and in my heart I am disturbed,
for I have been rebellious.
Lamentations 1:20

Rebellion... sin....

It crept in unnoticed and then spread like a wildfire. It only takes one spark... one slip up.... one day of not meditating on His Word.

Sometimes the fire can be quickly stopped, other times I allow it to go on...

sometimes I even feed it 

It only satisfies for a moment, or at least I think it is satisfying. How quickly the enemy can put a blindfold on my eyes... how quickly I can forget who I belong to.

Woe to them
because they have strayed from Me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against Me.
Hosea 7:13

It is I who left.

It is I who chose to rebel.

Yet He still longs to redeem me.

How can this be? What have I done to deserve His love? When will I learn to stop running?

He doesn't redeem me because He has to. He could let me fall... suffer for eternity. It would be just, it is what I deserve. 

But He doesn't.

He desires to heal my heart, to hold me in His arms.
He desires me!

Me, a child who often runs away, who willingly casts off His promises. Who makes the choice to rebel even though I know where it leads.

Why should you be beaten anymore?
Why do you persist in rebellion?
Your whole head is injured,
your whole heart affected.
Isaiah 1:5

Rebelling never does me any good. It only drives me further from Him. So why do I stay there, why am I so persistent? My stubbornness is often a great strength but it also does me great harm. 

His command is very clear....

Stop doing wrong,
learn to do right!
Isaiah 1:16-17  

If I don't.... 

If you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword.
Isaiah 1:20 

But the God I serve is....

Eternally Loving

Forever Merciful

Abundantly giving Grace

Relentlessly Redeeming

Always Forgiving

He made a way for me.... before I ever ran... ever rebelled. He knew that I would so He planned in advance for my sins to be wiped cleaned. 

But He took it one step further....

If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land.
Isaiah 1:19

Not only does He redeem me... not only does He love me.... He is also willing to give me the best of the land. 
All I have to do is be willing and obedient.
It really is that easy. It's all on me. He will be faithful. He always keeps His promises.

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving,
even though we have rebelled against Him.
Daniel 9:9

Still Counting.....

Well Monday came and went without a second to spend on the computer so here is my multitude Monday post.


A movie night with three young girls

A clean movie that was also well made with a good plot

Friends who not only encourage me but will also call me out when my attitude is sour

A Father who grabs my attention and softens my heart before by talk with friends

A God who will not allow me to stay in my rebellion

Forgiveness, even when I am so undeserving

Watching two friends exchange vows and begin a journey together

Cool water on my toes in the river after a hot afternoon

Singing 2 young girls to sleep 2 nights in a row

Prayers for best friends with a best friend

A shopping day with my mom and sister

New clothes

Extra cash to spend on earrings(:

An encouraging text from my dad

The best dad I could ever ask for

Giving and receiving encouragement from a young "brother" in Christ

Snuggles with baby Ben

holy experience

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Slowly but surely I am achieving my goal of counting 1000 gifts that God has given to me. 


A pool full of cool water on a hot day

First tomato almost ripe

Holding hands with the nephew as we go feed Dutchess

Soaking in his smiling face as he holds onto Dutch's mane while riding around the pasture

The anticipation of a planned shopping trip with my mom

Grabbing a quick dinner with my bf and my fav kids

Good conversations in the car with bf

Sweet comments on my blog(:

A raise at job #2

Texting with a young girl that I am growing quite fond of

God's way of slowly bring young teens across my path to minister to

A breakfast of strawberries and blueberries (my fav)

The blessing of some good but very cheap hay which makes my horses set for winter

Enjoying the World Cup with my brother

The fact that we are less then 2 months away from the start of football season!!!(:(:

Be back Monday or Tuesday with a new post. There are some interesting things going on between God and I. Maybe I'll be ready to share next week(: I hope everyone has a great weekend and loves on their dad!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

His plans might look different

Graduating from school has many advantages and I must say that I am enjoying the freedom that comes with no homework, no deadlines, no test, and no studying. I definitely miss it. Really, I'm not lying, I really, really miss school.

Recently someone asked me what stood out the most to me during my schooling. The question caught me off guard and I took my time answering. It was a great question. I finally answered her back; the journey. There are some particular classes, and professors that stand and had quite an influence on me, but overall the greatest thing about school has been the journey itself. God has taught me more then I can recall over my six years of school. There have many laughs, tears, heartaches, struggles, and many memories made that will forever have a lasting impact my life. It amazes me how God used those years of schooling to shape me into the person I am today.

The downside to graduating is now everyone asks what I plan on doing now. You see, most everyone who knows me thinks that I went to school to be something, that I went having this big career plan in mind. The truth is I didn't. When I started my college career as a mere freshman I had big plans. It only took a year and a half, plus a few bad grades in math and science for me to realize that this whole career thing was not my thing. God slowly began to weave new desires, new dreams into my life. I changed schools, changed degrees because He told me too. Thus began a new way of life for me. One that centered around HIM and not around ME.

I did have plans after college, then He told me to go to grad school. I thought it sounded crazy... what would I do with that. I see now that it wasn't the degree that mattered... it was the lessons that I would learn while getting the degree that mattered.

And now here I am... degree done.... and no word from Him on what to do next. When I am asked what I plan I doing now I used to stumble with my words.. mumble something about teaching, or going back to school, now I just smile and tell them that I am waiting on His instructions.

If your one of those people who I have said that to... you might think I'm crazy.. or that I'm I sound way to religious. Frankly I'm beyond caring what you think or how you label me. I'm done trying to explain how I know that God is talking to me. I'm done trying to convince people that I'm not using God has an excuse to not get a "real job." What I do with my life has nothing to do with you... it really has nothing to do with me. It's all about Him.

Take a second and really think about that statement. It's not an easy statement to let come out of your mouth. This place that I am at is easily one of the most uncomfortable places and it is also at times quite scary. Letting God direct every step is hard for someone who likes to have control... who struggles to trust... who constantly fights my own fleshly desires.

It makes it even more difficult when people I trust and respect question the path I am taking. As if I have control over what He tells me. Honestly, their questioning makes me mad... it makes me doubt... and sometimes it makes me question whether it is the right path.

These people want the best for me. They wish to see me succeed. I know that their intentions are good. I read this quote this morning from Philip Yancy's book Soul Survivor:

Their parents nagged them about getting a real job and making something of themselves. One of them responded to his mother's concerned prayers over him: "I wonder what Jesus said, listening to her prayers! I felt like writing her back and asking her if Jesus ever held a 'regular job' - or ever 'found Himself.' Jesus, the migrant preacher, who became sop unpopular and disturbing to everyone big and important that He got crucified."

I know that He has great plans for my life... they just might not look like what you... what I had in mind. I do know that His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me, and He will give me hope and a future. But remember this:
His definition of prosper and my definition of prosper are not the same.

His definition of hope and a future is different then your definition of hope and a future.

Just because the place I am at looks different then I expected it to doesn't mean that He has forgotten about me... although I'll admit that it sometimes feels as if He has. I know that is just one of the lies the enemy wants me to believe. He does not leave weary. He reminds me....

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.             Romans 5:1-5
He will not disappoint me.

He will never forsake me.

He will always provide me with grace to stand upon.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Choosing Joy

Read this today:

And it got me thinking(:

When Jesus told the disciples in John 21 to throw their nets on the other side, what did they think? Scripture doesn't tell us... all we get is that they did. No questions asked, and they didn't even know it was the Lord. Maybe John left their questioning out. Or maybe they were so frustrated with their empty nets they welcomed any help they could get. I'm pretty sure the seminary student in me could write a series of sermons on this short passage but I think I'll stick to just a few things

Am I willing to throw my nets on the other side, or do I stay in my comfort zone? When I hear His voice am I willing to listen?

Even if it sounds crazy?

I am better at this then I used to be. But sometimes I don't move. I just sit there and shake my head.

Because what He says sounds crazy... it doesn't fit into my plans... and it's just not what I want to do.

Sigh.... sometimes I'm so selfish and it just makes me mad.

Why can't I just get it that He knows better then I? He isn't going to change. He is always going to insist that we do things His way. I will never know better.

Why can't my pride just die!

My life would be much easier if I would just haul up the nets and cast them out on the other side, without asking questions, and doing so joyfully.

And now I find myself in a spot that stinks.... really, really stinks. Here's where I'm at, I have hauled in the nets, and I've even thrown them over the other side. The problem is that I'm mumbling and grumbling as I sit and wait.

Isn't that awful!!

But sadly... it's true.

I'm struggling to find a good attitude.

I guess at least now I'm at the point of admitting this struggle... for awhile I have been ignoring the sourness. As if ignoring it makes it look better.. or makes it go away.

Now that I've decided to stop ignoring it, I have to fix it....sigh....guess this sucky attitude is one of those weaknesses that God is turning my attention to.

Why did I my last post have to be about weaknesses??

That's the bad part about blogging... it's like being my own accountability partner...which is awful since I can't escape myself.

You think God is smiling up there right now... that maybe this is just one of the way's that He is molding me into His masterpiece.

I'm so thankful that He never gives up on me. That no matter how grumpy... ugly.... pitiful my attitude is He just keeps on molding. His hands stay wrapped around me, while I squirm, kick, and push.

I can throw a tantrum, yell at Him, even ignore Him but He will remain the same.

He's not going anywhere. 

The choice is mine... I can go along kicking and screaming... or Joyfully.

Today I pick JOY.


Seeing the big and beautiful Ben for the first time

Watching his proud daddy who couldn't stop smiling

Watching my best friend stare at her beautiful baby boy with a love that I don't yet understand

The strange realization that I really am an adult... after all my best friend just had a BABY!!

Knowing that I am never... NEVER alone.... He is always with me

Resting in the knowledge that He has great plans for my life

The fantastic conversations with the 3 yr old nephew on the way to the airport to see uncle Kyle

Hugging my brother for the first time in 2 months

The enormous amount of pride that I have for that baby brother

Seeing my brother surrounded by children that have missed him for so long

Soaking up cuddles from baby Lexi

Soaking up cuddles with baby Ben

Laughs on the couch late at night with the best friends anyone could ever ask for

The Little Mermaid(:


Tomatoes growing on the vines

The great pleasure I get from weeding my flower beds

Uplifting comments on my blog

New songs on the radio that lift me up when I need it the most

Time spent praying with my closest friends

Good fellowship around a table

Yummy, homemade cinnamon rolls

Time found to sit and write about the gifts in my life

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Grace only through weakness

I witness a miracle yesterday(:

One of my very dear friends gave birth to a BIG 12lb boy... he has already been nicknamed Big Ben... lol. I have already experienced what it feels like to love a newborn. I remember very clearly holding Krista's youngest Brityn for the first time and also my nephew Ryan. Both times I was overwhelmed by the amount of love that I felt for them. Yesterday the same thing happened. As I looked at him through the window of the nursery my heart was bursting with love and joy for this sweet new life. I am so excited to be a part of his life and look forward to how God uses him to change the world(:

I got to spend some time with my girls yesterday(: Love, love, love the amazing friends that God has blessed me with. They are so encouraging and I love how God-centered these relationships have become. A few things stuck with me from those conversations and then today I read this:

By grace is the weak made strong, after he becomes conscious of his weakness.
St. Augustine

Only after acknowledging where we fail can we be made strong. We MUST seek out those things in our lives that keep us from growing.

Acknowledging where we are weak... where we fail, is hard. It hurts, there are tears, sometimes anger, other times shame. It is never easy... yet so very necessary. 

He is the potter, I am the clay. Forever in His hands, He molds me, making me into something beautiful, not a clue what it'll be. Sometimes He has to scrape off a piece, other times a whole bunch must come off. It's painful and I don't like it. However, if He doesn't refine me then in the firing I will crack. I don't want to crack so I allow Him to trim here and trim there. I follow Him as He slowly crafts me into His masterpiece.

The beauty in discovering my weakness is that His grace abounds. 

When I fully acknowledge the ugliness of my sin, only then can I see the full beauty of His grace.  

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Adventures with 5 children

Today I am tired.

My usual two cups of coffee are not enough... working on my third now and might keep this up all day.

Thank you Father for coffee... besides it's marvelous capability to give me energy it taste sooo good:) I just love it!!

Yesterday I was a stand-in-mom to five children. I never mind looking after the Pavatt children, they are pretty much my nieces and nephews. It saddens my heart that my "big sis" needs help occasionally. Thankfully medicine has helped her and her flares are not as often anymore but yesterday was a bad day so Kaffer (my name given to me by the at the time 3 yr old KK) to the rescue! We had a fantastic day. We ran into town, picked blackberries, ate snow cones, weeded the front flower beds, and even piled on mom's bed and watched a little t.v., then quickly ate dinner and climbed in the car for church. By the end of the day I was exhausted!! I don't think I am quite ready for a household full of children (at least not yet...lol).

I don't know how you mom's do it. How do you balance discipline with encouragement? I was so exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt like I had been in battle all day. Your emotional state is constantly changing. Firm with child 1, encouraging child 2, comforting child 3, lecturing children 4 and 5, and all the while trying to prepare dinner and review in my head the lesson I'm going to be teaching at church that night. Whew.... can it get more chaotic??

I will say that I learned quit a bit from my adventure... as I always do when I spend any length of time over at that fabulous house.

1. There is something about a good cup of coffee... a comfy chair... a pretty view... and the Word of God early in the morning

2. Sweet cuddles from my fav children make getting up early worth it... no matter what time I went to bed the night before.

3. Every moment is a teaching moment... even making breakfast.

4.Sometimes you have to hurt feelings to get a point across... but it never feels good.

5. The sound of a 4 yr old singing praise to Jesus is amazing!!! Even if she is off key:)

6.I accomplished a great feat: I cleaned up throw-up (without throwing up myself).... maybe I'm closer to being ready to be a mom then I thought(-:

7. Eating snow cones is still a great way to spend a hot summer afternoon.

8. Cooking dinner, getting rooms cleaned, cleaning kids up for church and planning a lesson for church are all easy to do on their own but all at once makes you feel crazy!

9. There is something very precious about a young boy worrying about his mom.

10. I want to be a mom and I foresee sometime in the future having a family somewhat like this one... however I think that I will be content in my current situation... for today at least(-:

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Gratitiude Monday on Tuesday

 So yesterday was very, very busy! I had my AWANA girls over for our end-of-the-year pizza and ice cream party. It was fantastic!! Then Bek and Steven came over and talked till early morn. Nevertheless blogging did not get done so I am posting my gratitude list a day late. For those of you who are new to my blog the gratitude community is a group counting 1000 gifts. Counting not the gifts given but the gifts received. Teaching myself to look for the small things in life that God gives.I don't want to miss any of His gifts, and writing them down, recording them here develops a habit that draws me closer to my Father.


weekend with the nephew

an answer to pray

the sweetness of my nephew saying "dear God" loudly at church when the pastor says "lets pray"

a great training session on my dream horse

watching my ornery old mare, who I've had for over 10 years, soften up and tenderly carry my nephew around the pasture

unexpected graduation gifts that provide the much needed, much prayed for money to put in savings

a "cool" evening that makes riding in Arkansas bearable

an expected knock on the door, "big brother" waking me up because "big sister" is coming to pick me up to run errands

realizing for the umpteenth time that I really have no control over my life

knowing with a shadow of doubt that He is in complete control of my life

the mystery of God's will

big decision, little decision, God cares about them all

prayer, the amazing tool of communication between lowly man and a Holy God

Sunday night dinner

my wonderful group of friends that are an amazing support group during the trials of life

long walks in the cool summer evenings

stars peeking through the trees reminding me just how small I am and how amazing it is that God can use me to make a difference

pizza party with some wonderful girls that God is going to use to change the world

tomato plants full of potential goodness

flower pots running over with pretty blooms

fun night with great friends

a text from a "little brother" that has been in prayers lately reminding me and deepening the need to keep praying for him

summer softball games

the much anticipation of a little boy who will show his sweet face any day now

air conditioning

The extremely exciting fact that my brother will be home in a week   

holy experience

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Willing or unwilling

Much of our difficulty stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly.
A.W. Tozer       

Louie Giglio tweeted this quote the other day and I have spent some time pondering on it. Two questions I find myself asking.

Do I take God as He is, or how I want Him to be?

Do I adjust my life according to Him, or do I adjust my view of Him to fit my life?

The answer... really I don't know. I'd like to say that I take God as He is, but I'm afraid that all too often (maybe even without realizing it) I only see Him how I want Him to be. Sometimes I find myself in the shoes of Job's wife instructing him to curse God and die. Instead I should be more like Job who realizes that we cannot only take the good from God.

I truly seek to adjust my life according to Him. Honestly, I do. It is the true desire of my heart to live wholeheartedly for Him, not wishing to hold anything back.

I want to be like David, who was called a man after God's own heart.

I want to be like Job who takes what God hands him, good or bad, and praises Him.

The last 24 hours have been interesting to say the least. Not sure what God has in store. I know that whatever it is it will be far better then I expect. It may not happen now... it may happen soon.... but it will happen. God promises to answer... to provide... to move.

The question is not will He move.... but if I will.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Blessings from above

So I am sitting here at the lot catching up on my blog reading and wondering what I shall write about next. You see usually I come to this place with a head full of ideas, but today not so much. I feel as though for the past few weeks I've been living on auto-pilot. As if I am watching my life go by instead of living in each moment. Summer has been slightly crazy and already so full I' m not quite sure how I'm going to do everything. I figure that's a problem to have.... I'd much rather have too much to do rather then too little.

Last night we kicked off our summer kids program at church. What a blessing the whole day turned out to be. I volunteered along with a few other people to help make the set for the event. It was so much fun... I think my sister's creativity is beginning to rub off on me:) It turned out really good... much better then I thought it would be. I'll have to take a picture of it and post it here so you can see it.

I am once again just amazed at the blessings that God has sent my way. I never ever thought I would fall in love with church again. Too many bridges burned there I thought. I have never completely stopped going, however the motivation was more along the lines of my obedience then out of love for the church body. A while back a professor reminded me of a truth I knew deep down but had forgotten about: it's not about what the church can do for you, it's about what you can do for the church. I wrestled for awhile with that statement, not because I thought it was false but because I wanted it to be false. Those days I am sad to say were days wrapped up in self and not in the Father.

One of the things that God has shown me since my breakup is to empty myself of me.... which I have spent much time talking about here in older posts. I will admit that one of the reasons why I chose to get involved in the children's ministry at  church had some very selfish reasons but I also like to think that God was pushing me into an area of selflessness. I was looking for a way out of the Sunday school class that I was in, partly because it was a college class (which is hard to be in when you are out of college) and mostly because my ex was there every week. They just so happened to need a teacher for the 8-10 yr old class. I don't think that was just a coincidence. It was planned out in advance by my Father who knew just what I needed in order to fall back in love with the institution of the church.

I am so thankful that He did what He needed to do to get me back to this place. It amazes me just how lost I can get in my own self and the misery that goes along with that. I often wonder how we can be so settled and so peaceful in God's will yet struggle to stay there. Why do ever leave that place? What causes me to think that there is any peace or joy outside of His will? Why do I constantly fight what seems like the same battle over and over again?

On another note.... let me tell you about the beautiful blessings of late.

First off I finally mustered up enough courage to ask an old friend over for dinner. It had been too long... partly my pride... partly being too busy... partly who knows what. I am so glad that I did. We talked for hours.... till 1 am and laughed and cried and had a wonderful time renewing a friendship that thankfully was lost only for a season.

Next has to do with making new friends. Yesterday I made 2:) Both go to my church, one for along time and one just decided to call Grace home. On one hand I'm pretty proud that I had the courage to initiate conversations with both. I often am not one to seek out people but this new found confidence I have has helped me to step out of my comfort zone. One of these girls seems to be an answer to prayer. I have been asking for some more single friends for awhile.... after all I can only handle my married friends for so long. Not because there is anything wrong with them it just makes me feel as though I am missing out on something and makes finding joy in my singleness even harder. 

I am not sure what God plans on doing with me this summer but I am anticipating a crazy one. One full of memories, laughs, tears, questions, hopefully some answers, and I'm sure more waiting.... lessons in sitting still.